Conspiracy Theory...
Known Facts.
Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
All the king's horses and all the king's men
Couldn't put Humpty together again.

I mean really.. who trusts horses to put an egg together anyway? Shouldn't the men have had the first go??

You'll note with interest that the reason for humpty's fall was not infact documented.

This gives light to some alternative story lines, one of which MUST be somewhere near true.

Humpty usually is portrayed as an anthropomorphised egg… someitmes with arms legs poking at at bizzarre angles, but mostly with the legs meeting to form some sort of stable base. Given that an Egg is an inherrently unstable shape (and unlike the weebles, egg's centers of gravity are not within the lower hempispherical portion of the body… leading to a cocky "won't fall down" attitude), it is likely that the only thing that stops our bald and shell-clad friend from toppling sideways is his arse. (wow.. imagine.. an egg with legs .. *giggle*)

Humpty was also of some importance… after all, it was all the king's horses and men who tried to patch him up. Why would they have charge of an eggy-boy, if he weren't loaded and of royal yolk? Eh??

Goood I can see you're with me *pass the doughnuts* so.. Right… he's a royal naturally unstable egg-boy, sat on the wall. We can safely assume that the young chap is not undressed, (we've all seen his silky trousers, and what illustrator wants to tackle the nightmare that would be an egg's testicles and winkie, plus the join between shell-body an humanoid legs… nightmare right.. Good… so he's got trousers.) *got any more of the custard doughnuts? They're amaazing*

Erm. Yeah. Trousers. Probably silk: he's posh after all. And sitting on a wall in silk trousers is a BAD idea…. You'll ruin them!! Unless.. The wall is smooooth. ahHA!! A tiled wall. So, he's wearing silk, on a smooth wall, and is inherrantly unstable. Now... royalty aren't stoners (well, not in the OLD days anyway) and they didn't have doughnuts (like these ones.. Hey, you know what? Try eating one without licking your lips… *giggle*) infact.. Royalty were most likely to eat Sushi and Gaspacho soup, and with Humpty being portrayed as FAT, he's sure to have eaten LOADS of it. Loads of Sushi can only do one thing…. The boy had the shits.

So… a fat, unstable rich eggy-boy with silk trousers and un-sketched genitalia is sitting on a smooth shiny wall while plagued with the shits…. But given that eggs don't have a nervous system, he won't have known this… Humpty probably shat himself thus reducing the "already perilously low" co-efficient of friction, between silk-clad egg-arse and nicely-tiled wall, and thus slipped to his own demise in a shitty shower of fishy-crap, only to be insulted by a bunch of Horses trying to stick him back together.

Yeah. That's probably it.

Or is it. I dunno… maybe All the King's Men had the munches and fancied a giant fekkin' omlette… and that's why...
( Humpty Dumpty was Pushed Is unaware of having any limits., Fri 16 Dec 2005, 7:51, Reply)