my lovely man...
...after a looong looong night with many many pints downed, he decided to roll a spliff on the balcony, then came to bed. After keeping me awake for half an hour breathing 'i looove you, you're so speeecial' right into my face with stinky beer puke and weed breath, he fell asleep. I was rudely awakened at 6 in the morning by him shuffling paper bags around in the corner of the room, where the dry cleaning and results of my shopping trip to edinburgh were temporarily stored, asked him what he was doing - 'looking for my tie' he replied so i went back to sleep.

Only to be re-awakened by the sound of trousers slipping down hairy legs and the splashy sound of weewee - sure enough, he was pissing in the corner of the bedroom.

I leapt out of bed in kung-fu stylee, and started hitting and kicking him - 'hey chill out, i'm just taking a piss' was the not-bothered reply - so i pushed him, still peeing, into the shower and turned the water on. It may have been a bit hot as he started screaming and threated to push my nose to the other side of my face, so i shoved him into the computer room and locked the door.

After an hour of sobbing as I poured a gallon of piss out of my brand new leather boots and wrung out the dry cleaning into the bath i left the house for the day.

He finally called me from the computer room (door still locked) at about 5 in the evening and sheepishly asked why i had locked him in the room - he didnt believe me then but he certainly did when i stuck his nose into my boot and they didnt smell of leather no more.

To be fair, though he did buy me new shoes and cleaned the flat for 2 months, but we have an agreement now that if we smokes weed when drunk he sleeps on the balcony. I don't care if it's december.
(chesty, Fri 16 Dec 2005, 15:10, Reply)