Kitties rule.
LSD is great fun. Back around '97 or so, I had a nice little trip prepared. A tape full of unscreened anime and a 100" projector. Whee! I took four or five hits and it came on quite strong before I had the tape queued up. I rewound the tape some random amount and pressed play in the middle of a chaotic scene. Suddenly one wall was taken up by a tentacle-waving eldritch horror breaking up out of the ground. This intrigued my cats, Sacco and Vanzetti, who ran up to the wall, stood on their hind legs, and put their front paws as high up the wall as they could manage, which looked quite reverential. A big-eyed anime character explained: "That's their god!"

In a flash, it was clear to me: We were at the cusp of a new cycle of ages. The god Bast had returned, and Western Civilization was at an end. I was fortunate that I had brought the cats into my home, because my life would be spared in order that I might live in servitude to them. Only lasted a minute, thank god, before I realized I was still holding the remote in my hand and could turn the vengeful god off.

That one I don't really regret that much. The only other apocalyptic trip I had is a bit more regretable.

It wasn't going well. Yeah, end of the world crap triggered by a Negativland tape being eaten when they were going on about a bible verse: "Be not drunk with wine, but be filled with the spirit." I'd gotten the 'cid from someone named Chris, which became Very Significant, as did the realization that everyone I lived with had names from the bible. Anyway, the Big Realization was that every thought and every word brings us closer to the End Times. The answer is obvious, right? TALK BACKWARDS! BRILLIANT! So I was trying to communicate to the people I lived with that it was important to talk backwards, like -- while talking backwards. (I was later told that this looked like nothing so much as trying to spit up a hairball.) I was trying to think backwards, too.

At this point, a friend of my roommate's who was visiting from San Francisco, who was a stereotypical older hippie woman, entered the room. She was wearing a tie-dye mumu, of all things, and had big frizzy hair. I never realized she was so beautiful, and made a move to hug her. She looked alarmed, stepped backwards, and said, "Oh no..."

As soon as she said it, it clicked. She knew the score. It wasn't just thought and speech that drove time forward -- it was sexual impulses. Every time you got down with a lady, we got a bit closer to the end. Of course!

The answer was clear: REVERSE SEXUAL IMPULSES! I whipped down my trousers, bent over, and demanded of my best friend of over a decade: "Fuck me in the ass! Fuck me in the ass!"

If only I'd remembered to try to say it backwards, I could have avoided a lot of awkwardness.
(Larry_Mudd, Sun 18 Dec 2005, 16:53, Reply)