If You Go Down To The Woods Today...
On the way back from a night on the town my brother and his mate (aged around 17 at the time), being suitably drunk and drugged, did what all good stoners do occasionally and decided to take a shortcut through the woods, back to the housing estate, and look for mushrooms on the way. The fact that neither of them could stand up and it was pitch black didn't dampen their enthusiasm and so, they peeled off the road, headed through the trees, skirted a few buildings and aimed for the perimeter of the golf course that comprised the aforementioned quick route. Almost as soon as their trek had begun the mate stopped my brother and shushed him. "Did you head that noise?" He whispered urgently in the dark, the weed paranoia kicking in nicely. My brother stopped studying the grass and looked up at him doubtfully. Just as he was about to call him an idiot he heard it. A faint whum whum whum came from ahead of them. They both froze in terror. For five minutes they stood stock still until they both eagerly agreed it must have been a car or something and continued, albeit a little cautiously, on their way.

Fifteen minutes later and their altered mental condition had allowed them to forget about the noise entirely. They had continued merrily homewards, or so they thought. Suddenly the mate brought my brother to a halt with a cry of triumph. He had spotted something in the undergrowth. Luckily my brother stopped him before he picked up his find as it turned out, on closer inspection, to be a used condom. They both stood up laughing like loons when suddenly their glee was cut short by a noise.

WHUM! WHUM! WHUM! Deafening and directly in front of them.

The wind suddenly whipped up, seeming to push them backwards. They both screamed like little girls, again frozen to the spot and grabbing at each other for comfort, staring into the terrifying and absolute darkness in front of them. Suddenly a blazing light blinded them both and they screamed again, falling to the ground and covering their eyes whimpering. A few seconds passed and the sound of voices made my brother look up. Directly at the police helicopter pilot who was now staring at them, clearly unamused. In the pitch black hunt for mushrooms they'd lost their direction and instead of wandering towards the estate had wandered towards the police headquartes on the other side of the golf course. According to the pilot he hadn't heard them approaching and when he hit the lights to see two teenagers practically nose to nose with the helicopter he said it was a toss up as to who was more scared.

He says that but my money's on my brothers mate on the grounds he pissed himself.

EDIT: I don't know if this phenomena is some kind of communicable disease but a few years later a friend of mine was mushroom hunting (more intelligently in the daylight). He walked, head down, peering at the ground for any funghi, straight into a chainlink fence and fell over backwards. Sitting up with a suitably comic look of surprise he saw two soldiers laughing at him from the safety of the army base. He didn't stick around to explain what he was doing there.
( Gleeballs is mostly made out of chocolate and hate., Mon 19 Dec 2005, 14:57, Reply)