Not any funny ones, unfortunately.
However, growing up with a raging alcoholic for a father, I've got plenty of them. First, I can recall when I was still in junior high school, my dad was unemployed for two years. Wanting a drink, but being utterly broke, he decided to cut himself a $5000 check from my college fund to go drinking on. When that ran out, he maxed out the credit cards drinking on them. He still acts like we mistreat him because nobody gives him any more money than he absolutely needs to say, go down the road and get the paper, or get himself lunch at work. He also doesn't seem to get why I still dislike him, given that (amongst other things contributing to my generally ill relationship with him) the money he pissed away drinking would have paid for a complete year of university for me here in New York.

After that, there's the time when I was 14 or so, and went out to the living room to get something. He'd downed 1.75L of Scotch, along with several cans of crappy US lager over the course of the previous 6 hours or so, and was at that point standing half naked, in front of the stove in the kitchen. I had to go through the kitchen to get to the living room, so naturally, more of his shit that night. It seems he thought, in his severely drunken state, that the stove was my sister, who'd gone to bed hours earlier when he told her to.

He starts yelling at it, screaming as if it were my sister that she needs to learn to respect him and listen to him when he says something. Then he gives the door to the over an almighty kick with his barefoot, goes off and does whatever he needed to in the bathroom, and stumbles back to bed. The next morning, he was left baffled as to just how he'd broken several toes.

And to finish up his stories, the one aunt I do like will no longer visit our house now. Apparently he got pissed up, as he is wont to do at the slightest provocation, and later in the night tried to climb in bed with her.

Drunk parents can be funny, but mine's just an irritating cunt once he gets some in him. I would see the heat get cut off, the phone line, or occasionally the electric because he "couldn't afford to pay," but he always had money for booze and smokes.
( Ithyphallophobia, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 4:32, 8 replies)

HAHAHAHA.
Awesome.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 9:55, closed)

Thanks for your candidness
I hope your dad finds help and can make amends to you and your family someday.

www.al-anon.alateen.org/english.html
( buffet_the_appetite_slayer ٩(●̮̃•)۶ jacked in to the ICE on, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 10:07, closed)

hang on, weren't you praying earlier?
lost your faith already? poor show.
( janet aylia y'all motherfuckers need jesus, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 15:03, closed)

You know, this doesn't sound that bad
If these are really the worst examples of your old man's behavior your luckier than many many people.
( Ring Of Fire A petty, drooling belming butthurt retard., Sat 26 Feb 2011, 11:56, closed)

I know.
I mean, I'm not homeless because of it. Still, he's amassed quite the massive debt for the family, which my mother has always toiled to try and pay off. Between his predilections for spending all his money on getting drunk, totaling cars when he gets drunk, and being on unemployment for years at a time, he hasn't created the best life for my sister and I growing up. Not the worst, mind, but I should hope if I ever have kids I would do better.

On the plus side of things, because of how he acted, I got tired of not having things, so I've been employed in one job or another for the last 7 years, since I could legally start working at 14. Looks good on a job application once I start trying to find a real job, so I guess that's something good to come from him in a roundabout way.

There's more I could write up, but honestly the memory that sticks out as exemplar of his parenting skills was when I broke my fingers one night. Told him I needed to go to the hospital, and showed him my obviously broken fingers. His response? "Oh, come on! It's a Friday night, hospitals are so busy in the ER, and they don't get USA on their TVs. It's a new episode of Monk. Wait until tomorrow morning, and if it's still broke we'll go then."

But as you, say, I don't have it as bad as some. It could be worse by far, and I'm glad it isn't. Hell, I'm sure as I read this the other stories, I'll find many worse ones.
( Ithyphallophobia, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 18:11, closed)

I wish I'd had a college fund :(
I'd have probably just spent it on booze though.
( TFD is sporting this season's finest necropants, Sat 26 Feb 2011, 15:58, closed)