My mum
My mother is gradually becoming a legendary figure on b3ta and it's only fair that she should feature in this QOTW. A few of the things she's come out with over the years:

"Will they still say FUCK on them when you get your lenses put in?" - said at full volume in the middle of Specsavers on a Saturday afternoon

"I think you should know, I've just been told off for being drunk and disorderly on a bouncy castle" - oh dear God...

"I met my friend Sam - he's black! - for dinner last night" - oh well done, you've got a black friend, how terribly MODERN of you

"Your uncle is a pillock of the community" - this one I agree on

"You're not fucking playing fucking Delius!" - on wondering whether I should play the 1st movement of the Delius Cello Sonata for my Grade 8 exam...she feels very strongly about Delius

"Do you think you stand a chance of passing this exam?" - every bloody time I ever took an exam

"So few black people are well-spoken" - MUM!!!

"You look lovely and slim, dear" - every bloody time she sees me, as if nothing else matters

"You shouldn't buy black bed sheets, dear, because black sheets show, um, stuff..." - :s

"It's okay, as long as you wash your hands afterwards" - on masturbation...I was 10 when she gave me this piece of advice.

This woman is 57 and owns a Johnny Depp calendar. She doesn't close the bathroom door when she's on the loo. She tells me all about her sex life. In fact, she expects me to listen attentively about her sex life whilst she's on the loo. Click "I like this" if you think she is growing old disgracefully.
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Tue 4 Nov 2008, 21:13, 7 replies)

If I had had kids then this would be me.
Except for the strong feelings about Delius. I can take or leave him.
( girlinthehole, Tue 4 Nov 2008, 21:16, closed)

My kids
know that I have a sex life, and are aware of at least some of the women I've been with since leaving their mother. I've never really tried to hide it from them.

That said, I don't advertise it either, and would not initiate a conversation about it. There are things I'm sure they'd rather not think about. I would only discuss such matters if they asked me- and then I would answer fully and truthfully, but still try not to bend their young minds too much.

So, other than the oversharing of her sexuality and leaving the loo door open, I'd say that I would probably like hanging out with her.
( The Resident Loon Not a demographic. Do not measure., Tue 4 Nov 2008, 21:52, closed)

mothers
I am that kind of mother too. As they say "If you are not embarrassing your kids, you aren't having nearly enough fun"
(themothers, Tue 4 Nov 2008, 22:44, closed)

Dear Fluffles Senior,
I am a fan. And I am taking notes.

What's the best charge to have your offspring come and bail you on? Indecent exposure? Drug possession? Shoplifting? Oh no ... Drunk and Disorderly on a bouncy castle ... brilliant.
(Que?, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 4:16, closed)

Fluff!
Where've you been?
*click*
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 11:02, closed)

Damn IT geeks
First b3ta became blocked at work. And the IT Overlords had also blocked anything deemed "proxy avoidance". And then my computer died at home. These have been dark times *sniff* but now that I have a brand spanking new computer at home I can spend quality time with you lovely lot again!
(grandmasterfluffles Come to my Armageddon party on, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 23:06, closed)

Where might I meet this 'Mum'
of which you speak? She sounds FUN.
( Bert Monkeysex is waiting for the mods to delete him, Wed 5 Nov 2008, 11:28, closed)