During my summer holidays from university
I was working at an Aerospace factory as a general labourer. I was cleaning up behind this massive piece of machinery. It was a favourite place to skive as it was about the size of a truck and up against a wall and you could hide there and not be seen. As I had a good lean on my broom the machine started making some odd creaking noises. I casually got up to walk around to the front and see what was going on. As I walked round from the back there was the loudest bang I have heard ever to this day and the machine smashed in the the wall taking my trusty broom with it. I missed being turned in to a human pancake by about 3 inches. I would have been completely obliterated and my mother would have been able to bury me in an ice cream tub. Needless to say there were quite a few changes in the factory after that.
( Peej, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 13:32, 2 replies)

real version
i was habitually wanking behind a machine at work and accidentally hit the resonant frequency of the old wall behind me, which due to rampant spunk-erosion of the mortar promptly collapsed. i pulled my spooge-mopping broom out of my arse and made up some cockamamie yarn about posessed machinery, so no-one was suspicious that i'd fapped a wall to death. then i drove home in my honda accord.
(UppityDamnPrimate LET'S OPEN THIS F*CKING PIT UP, Fri 20 Aug 2010, 15:09, closed)

Holy crap
This is chilling!
(Aruu does not put all her trust in root vegetables., Fri 20 Aug 2010, 15:14, closed)