I remember it being 16.47
when I pushed open the door. I don't know why I knew that, I don't wear a watch, I must have looked at my phone or seen in on a bus stop or something. That's my only real memory of the times before hand.

I was 16 at the time. I could hear my sisters screams as the door swung open. A policewomen saw me coming in an shouted something.

I remember hands around my shoulders and this gulping sobbing noise that must have been my sister. I felt like I was in a dream, I just seemed to float into the house. There were stains all over the beige carpet. That new beige carpet we had only got two weeks ago. My mum was going to be furious. She smacked me round the head when I forgot to take my trainers off three days ago.

The stains were a dark brown rust colour. At that stage I couldn't' work out how they got there. They just started in the middle of the floor and extended all the way up the wall in a series of dots of decreasing size.

There were so many people in the house, people in uniforms, people in high vis jackets. So many people, and so much noise. I couldn't make out anything specific. Everything was a dull fuzzy rumble in the background with a high pitched keening noise which made my head hurt. I felt dizzy, I could feel myself swaying.

A large man tried to stop me going into the living room, but I just pushed him aside. He seemed to float off like a canoe shooting over the surface of a pond.

My sister was curled up on the floor being hugged by a different policewoman.

The two bodies were lying on the floor like some grotesque tablaeu. My mum and dad, both of them stripped from the waist down.

The image will stay with me forever, I'll never forget my Pant-less Ex-Parents.


I really am sorry for this one.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:01, 7 replies)

*SPANG*
However, I can't really talk having just posted something equally as excrutiating.

*Passes frying pan to al*
( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:06, closed)

Spangs
*groans*
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:07, closed)

I really like this
*clicks*
( Cawl, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:15, closed)

*applauds*

Kudos to you and clicks all round sir!

It is truly a great day when shit puns take a dark, sinister edge...You have pushed the genre forward...
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:16, closed)

I was going to
add a whole bit about a policeman telling me what had happened to them, but it would have given the game away quite quickly.
( Bazongaloid, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:20, closed)

Oy! pass the frying pan.
And the big stick.
( girlinthehole, Fri 25 Jul 2008, 14:21, closed)

This is a thing of beauty
It's rare that a pun makes me exclaim out loud.
(MJPerry was crude but clickable at, Sat 26 Jul 2008, 15:23, closed)