QED
Experiment Date: Yesterday

Problem: Garden umbrella stuck in position

Desired Outcome: Unstuck garden umbrella

Required Equipment: Garden Umbrella, Wife, Penknife, Sterile Bandages, Car, Superglue

Test Notes: The garden umbrella comes in two parts, which pull apart. One part is stuck inside the other: this experiment will assess the different methods of removing one part from the other so that they become unstuck.

Test 1: Hold one part in each hand and pull.

Outcome: Zero effect.

Test 2: Hold one part whilst wife holds other part, and pull in a straight line.

Outcome: Zero effect.

Test 3: Hold one part whilst wife holds other part, and pull whilst twisting parts in opposite directions.

Outcome: Zero effect.

Test 4: Insert something thin and flat between two parts, and attempt to prise apart.

Outcome: A penknife was used for this test. As it was vigorously manipulated, the tester's hand slipped, slicing the tester's thumb vertically in two from front to back, straight through the nail: estimated length of severance - one half-inch. Sterile bandages were required to staunch the surprisingly copious flow of blood. The car was utilised to transfer the tester to hospital, where, after a duration, superglue was used to join the two parts together again. The umbrella remained in one part, unlike the tester's thumb.

Test 4: Burn the garden umbrella and buy a new one...


Conclusions: A penknife is not an ideal implement for trying to separate two poles that are stuck together.

Secondary Conclusion: My thumb hurts.
(Steve The Monkey, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 16:05, 4 replies)

Gah!
The thought of slicing my thumb through the nail like that is making my testicles retract into my abdomen in fear... O_o
(Professor Kenny Martin Hmm? What?, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 16:10, closed)

What Prof Kenny said
I have jabbed a penknife into my finger numerous times, but never with such serious consequences.

I do keep a tube of superglue handy for such times though. It works really well.
( K2k6 has a proper job these days, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 16:41, closed)

Pritt Stick
K2k6 - that's what the nurse said: the strange thing is, this didn't hurt until she put the superglue in and then squeezed the two parts of my thumb together to get them to stick...
(Steve The Monkey, Mon 28 Jul 2008, 16:45, closed)

The dangers of using incorrect tools...
I once used a table knife to open a tin of paint (the not-particularly-sharp variety you'd use to eat your dinner).

The lid was particularly stiff, as the tin of paint had already been used and there was a nice bonding layer of paint holding the lid on. I tried to push harder to break this seal.

Unfortunately, the tin of paint didn't open. What happened instead was that my gripped hand slipped down the handle onto the blade, cutting deep into my first 3 fingers and severing 2 tendons.

Result: 12 weeks of being unable to use my right hand and being unable to drive.
( rubberduck should only be used after consulting with your GP, Tue 29 Jul 2008, 8:17, closed)