I used to live on the 12th floor of a block of flats in Mill Hill, Blackburn. The block was called
Ewood Court and overlooked Ewood Park football stadium. My view however was into delightful countryside and the West Pennine Moors. To see into my flat and assuming no glare on the windows one would have to be about 2 miles away with a very powerful rifle scope or a not so powerful telescope. So, I really did feel very comfortable wondering around in the nude and getting close to the floor to ceiling windows without fear of embarrassment. So, I thought.

I was naked and wearing nothing but my yellow, man size marigolds as I was on a cleaning mission that day. Hot and sweaty and the chores completed I looked at my dirty man body in the mirror and of course thought I deserve a good wank. I was very horny, due to the yellow, man size marigolds and that I was such a dirty boy.

Forgoing the toothpaste in favour of some handy KY jelly, I applied the lube on my cock and began the lonely dance. Into the bedroom, into the other bedroom, into the lounge, pulling and jerking at my penis. This went on for some time and eventually in the living room and I was stood very close to the floor to ceiling windows with my eyes closed and focused on the task, I eventually gushed forth my volume of man muck.

Imagine my surprise when I opened my eyes, to see at the 12th floor level a hot air balloon basket with 8 people in the basket. 8 people who I could clearly see that they had clearly seen exactly what I was about in my private space, they were only 25ft away. Apparently it was the annual show at Witton Country Park.

Lucky buggers.

And for awhile I became known as Slimcea Boy.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 16:20, 20 replies)

Bullshit, a hot air balloon wouldn't get that close to a building unless disaster was imminent.

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 16:56, closed)

Any piece containing the phrase "imagine my surprise when" was originally written for the letters page of a jazz mag

...and isn't true.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 17:00, closed)

It was phrased in honour of the jazz mag.
However, it is true.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 17:31, closed)

It had come over the roof and in no danger of crashing, Moving away from the building
following the valleys natural wind and heading to Witton Park. The balloon was in perfect control, just a shock to see it so close. Much closer than the other 30 or 40 balloons which were also visible.

Of course, considering how safe balloon travel is, I am surprised you think the story bullshit. Never heard of an out of control hot air balloon, no never happened.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 17:35, closed)

I wouldn't worry about it
Detective Dipshit here isn't the sharpest tool in the b3ta shed
( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 17:37, closed)

IRONYLOLS

( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 18:29, closed)

He doesn't understand the concept of irony, for a start

( emvee cruor deo cruoris, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 19:30, closed)

Doubleplusironylols.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 19:59, closed)

Hot air balloons are about fifty feet across.
The basket may have been close enough for the luck passengers to make out your nakedness and perhaps even glimpse your famously gigantic cock but they weren't anywhere near as close as 25 feet. I doubt they were closer than two hundred feet.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 19:59, closed)

It is true, the distance measurement may not be truly accurate. I did not bother to triangulate
the position nor at the time did I have an accurate laser measure. I could however see the whites of their eyes* and my corrected vision has me reading the 6/4 line up until age 40 and I still manage the 6/5 line with corrective lenses.


* or close enough to see the champagne glasses in their hands.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 20:12, closed)

More impressive than me then.
I only managed to get caught wanking by a window cleaner.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 20:03, closed)

Was it Robin Askwith and bawdy comedy ensued?

( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Tue 13 Aug 2013, 20:23, closed)

I too got caught wanking by the window cleaner
I wonder if they send them on special training courses to deal with this situation.
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 11:32, closed)

Must do.
I wouldn't be able to 'squeegee' a window when my eyes are running parallel to it.
( Slippery Mick ‏, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 13:34, closed)

If i had seen as much as most window cleaners
must i would have gouged out my beautiful eyes by now. Or invented Mind Bleach
(andythepieman Is surfing the waves of indifference on, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 15:20, closed)

Ha ha
Same (or similar) thing happened to a friend of mine. She had a house with a lovely view out over fields and woods, no other houses or roads in sight, so had not bothered to put frosted glass in the bathroom windows. Was in there one day drying off after a shower when a hot air balloon floats past with lots of tourists aboard. I'm sure it wasn't too close, but the surprise was enough to convince her that they were all looking into her bathroom with binoculars.
(Smale is stuffed, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 4:18, closed)

I bet there are many more of the basket bound perverts with binoculars
startling innocent people.
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 10:23, closed)

i can't think of any other reason for a balloon trip
i took one on safari once ... cost a fortune and it turns out that animals from a balloon all look exactly the fucking same

is that a lion? a springbok? a cow? some bloke having a hand cream wank?
(alright alright, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 12:53, closed)

On the plus side
you have to get up at 4 and they give you a warm glass of African not-champagne while the tsetse flies eat your balls.
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 14:05, closed)

you are thinking of the testi flies
along with the moscockeatos
( d.r._and_quinch when will you be famous?, Wed 14 Aug 2013, 14:21, closed)