carny for a day
I worked for a genuine pikey. Not someone who wears cheap clothes and uses common phrases; a lady whose parents were travelling showmen, proper ones who didn't pay road tax and lived in caravans. She, however, had settled down and lived in a real (pre-fab) house on a plot of land the family had bought. So they were respectable, and God forbid you if you thought they weren't.

From 15-18 I worked for her in the school holidays at village fetes, selling burgers, running a little kiddies ride and doing the tombola. The tombola was very simple. Tickets in a washing up bowl, and you buy five for a quid. Any odd number wins a teddy bear of some description.

There were only even numbers in the bowl. If someone had spent a few pounds, or no-one had won for a while, I would "give the tickets a shuffle", stick my hands in the pile, and palm one of the odd numbers I had up my sleeve onto the top and in the middle. The deserving punter would almost always pick the right one out.

I think people thought the proceeds were going to some village charity.
(slowly play it cool, Trig, Thu 9 Jun 2011, 23:51, 8 replies)

Harsh
My favoured alternative, as run by me at a couple of village fetes is the 'perennial lager tombola'. You assemble a stall with all the usual crap (bottles of shampoo, tins of peas etc, and then when some poor chump wins one, you offer to swap it for a tin of cheap Polish lager from the slab by your feet. When this is inevitably accepted, you slap a new raffle ticket on the shampoo, put it back on the stall, and recycle the whole lot. The net effect is of you selling 30p tins of lager for £2.50 a time, and still having all the stuff ready to set up the next tombola.
( ousgg is not seeking approval, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 7:52, closed)

Thieving gypsy bastard.

or

RIP OFF BRITAIN
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 10:05, closed)

Have you ever worked with any niggers? I hear they sell drugs.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 8:00, closed)

West side

(McChinaman banned, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:12, closed)

East Coast til I die muthafucka.

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:19, closed)

ORNAMENTAL TURTLE
( Happy Phantom has been to Hastings, Brighton, and Eastbourne too, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 13:45, closed)

www.b3ta.com/questions/drunkparents/post1098638
( Wet-chinned bag shanker Cannot parse Wogan, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:36, closed)

GONZO FOR MOD
/ac
( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Fri 10 Jun 2011, 9:50, closed)