Fake child
Morning all. First real post, so please be gentle.... Just remembered this story from only a few weeks ago, and apologise for length in advance. I always do...

A short while ago invites were sent out to me and a lot of my friends from back home for a party of, frankly, epic proportions. 'Excellent' thinks I, not only a chance to see all my friends in one place together, but also an opportunity to get drunk as a lord in fancy dress.

The party itself can only be described as 'bangin' and everyone was having a good time and it wasn't long before the cries of 'limboooo!!!' were heard throughout the house, by some obvious genius with a stick. After many an amusing attempts at limboing (?) I was called up to show off my mad skills, which promptly ended, very quickly, with me in a horizontal position, at approximately knee height, apparently attempting to headbutt the floor. (so I'm told, I just remember opening my eyes to an oddly quiet kitchen full of people staring at me. From the looks I assumed I'd passed out and wet myself or something, until the crushing pain of my skull rang throughout my head)
After refusing medical treatment on the grounds that I still had my bottle of Blackout cider that wasn't going to drink itself (What do doctors know anyway eh?) the night carried on without a hitch. For anyone else that is. You see, that knock to the head had some effect on me that evening. I quickly became an incoherent babbling mess. Nothing to do with the booze occifer!. Must have been the altercation with the ground that's done it!

Anyways, after a short while, for one reason or another, I stumbled off to find myself a quiet place in the garden to phone my girlfriend/pass out with my head in my lap and expel my stomach's contents over my legs....
It's here that we get to the crux of the story folks, as many people were wondering where I had gotten to, me included, my best (.......) mate took it upon himself to come up with a brilliant ruse. He decided the best course of entertainment would be to tell people that the reason I had disappeared was because my girlfriend had rang to inform me that she was pregnant, and we were having a baby, and that I'd gone on an insane, self destructive rampage throughout the village... Brilliant.

After waking up and being heavily confused as to my whereabouts, I stumbled back in to the kitchen, to be confronted with a huge cheer from EVERYONE. This, as you can imagine in my fragile state, shit me right up. Then the congratulations came. This , too, shit me right up. Then came the slow trickle of info that I was having a child. This, as you'd probably gathered, really did shit me right up. Did the phone call happen? Am I having a mini me? What's the quickest way to Mexico!? etc. After much panicking on my behalf, my friend took me to one side, and let me in on the ploy. Hilarious, thinks I. Bastard.
The story was now out, and there was nothing I could do to stop it. Not while my speech patterns resembled that of the Elephant Man on acid anyway. Mentally crippled, I stumbled back to a friends house that night to sleep off the shame, and awoke a mere shadow of my former self to escape back to Bristol.

The only question that now remains with me and my friend. Do we keep this horrible charade up? Can I have a fake child, and get away with it for our own amusement? More to the point, how long can this terrible fiasco be kept up without anyone finding out? Click 'I like this' if you think I should find out and make a little mini Scrumpy facebook page in about 9 months.


Apologies for length. It's my b3ta cherry officially popped, and I didn't want to do anything until we were both ready....

Edited for basic grammatical sense.........
(Scrumpy does not negotiate with terrorists,, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 10:44, 4 replies)

Paragraphs
are your friend.
(The Empress it seems you CAN polish a turd!, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:04, closed)

Welcome
Just a tip - please use paragraph breaks. Very hard to read otherwise, esp for old buggers like me.

edit: ^as above
( enoughblueskyforsailorstrousers, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 11:08, closed)

I'll Add
My voice to the chorus.

I didn't even even read your story as it's too painful to look at.

That said, edit it and add paragraphs and breaks and I'll definitely read it.

This isn't a flame. I'm trying to be helpful. If you want people to read your tales you have to make them readable.

Good luck.

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Mon 14 Jul 2008, 12:05, closed)

good story
yes.. keep up the pretence.. then in 9 months tell everyone that she had sextuplets.
(TheRiddler Hmmmmm... I concur., Mon 14 Jul 2008, 15:14, closed)