Not me but...
I've just had the most amazing shit ever. It was almost sexual in how it was birthed. I've just checked in the pot and there was nowt there...
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 19:23, 4 replies)

Phantom poo!
It's raced through the U-bend, round to freedom.
( Thinker, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 19:25, closed)

This is a well known phenomenon
The viz profanisaurus list it as:
ghost shit n.

Stool or dump of which there is no trace when you stand up and turn round to admire it.
(DryGoldfish, Tue 15 Jul 2008, 22:04, closed)

I know, I know
But who woulda thunk it. A shit wot faked it?! Fancy that!
(Chickenwire social lubricator extraordinaire, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 6:27, closed)

I did one of those on Monday...
...and I reckon I've figgered it out. If you eject an arse torpedo at the right velocity and trajectory, it enters the water, heads towards the bottom of the U-bend and surfaces at the other end (in the pipe rather than the bowl).

Oh, and I was promoted straight afterwards, but I don't think that's cause and effect.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 16 Jul 2008, 21:15, closed)