Cheap ass shredders
As happens over time, one tends to collect a lot of personal documents and being somewhat of a pack rat my Mom had loads. Eventually, the day came and it was time to dispose of a whole load of these documents. Now the question came how best to dispose of it all. Mother had a few options available; send the papers to a company that specializes in shredding, buy a shredder, DIY shredding AKA tear it up yourself, or throw it away.

Sending the papers to a company for shredding was too expensive. There was too much of this crap to tear up ourselves. The information in these documents were too steal worthy to simply throw away. This left buying a shredder the only real option. So a trip to the local Rymans it was to look at shredders. Now there were a load of options for different mechanical shredders varying in different prices. Now for my mother this was all too expensive so what does she opt for? A cheap ass hand crank shredder for a fiver. Her justification, there wasn't that much to shred, just two bags worth really...

Back home, she unpacks the shredder and begins shredding documents. This was working fine until about the fifth load of papers were inserted into the shredder. By this point, I should point out that the blades were already beginning to go quite dull and the hand crank was laboring. I estimate that by about a third of the way through the first bag, the hand crank shredder was already destroyed. Mother was of course disappointed and all I could say was that's what you get for buying a cheap as shit shredder.

The shredder for a fiver story is one that I now bring up anytime my mother is choosing to be a cheapskate for no good reason.
(roguedevil, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 2:14, 11 replies)

And he was shit in mutant ninja turtles.

( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 6:57, closed)

Ass Shredders?
Are they a thing?
( Ghoti Fingers, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 7:19, closed)

i believe you have to pay extra for them

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 10:49, closed)

dullariffic

( Dr. Shambolic je suis charlie, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 9:08, closed)

We went through about 5 different shredders over the last 10 years
Just home use stuff. Cheapest was about £10 and the dearest about £80.

After the £80 shredder bit the big one I decided we needed a different approach.

So, I bought a garden incinerator.

A big shiny metal bucket on a stand with air holes and a chimney on the lid.

I threw in lots of confidential documents and lit it. Then I put the lid on, stood back and watched the show.

Well, the fucker went like an inverted rocket engine. I assume paper burns at a much higher temperature then branches and leaves. Anyhoo, I am grabbing another bunch of papers when I feel something hit my leg. It felt like someone had dropped some water on the ground next to me and some of it had slashed on my leg.

But it wasn't water. The generously galvanised incinerator had started to shed large droplets if molten zinc which had then splashed on my legs. Unfortunately I was wearing shorts.

I now have a scar that looks like a crop circle which had been planned and executed by an alien who struggled in crop circle class.

It's great no that the zinc has all melted off!!!
(OTT, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 9:25, closed)

Fire fixes everything.
Except back issues of National Geographic, which are curiously reluctant to burn.

Whilst we're being dull, the best way to get use from a cheap shredder would be to shred small quantities of documents, pausing regularly to clean the blades.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 9:50, closed)

Shiny magazine stock is coated in clay which inhibits combustion.
Just so you know.
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Sun 29 Jun 2014, 3:04, closed)

Thought it would be something like that, yes.
The fact that I'd clogged all the air holes in the burner with them, probably wasn't helping.
( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Sun 29 Jun 2014, 19:17, closed)

In the compost bin mixed evenly with grass clippings and chicken siht (cheap from the garden centre), there won't be much recognisable in there after a few months.
(Benzyl, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 17:54, closed)

You shredder purchasing human fools!
Simply BURN it.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Sat 28 Jun 2014, 18:17, closed)

No shit
I'm sure you all have the capacity to make fire over there.
(drunksteve is not drunk, Sun 29 Jun 2014, 1:25, closed)