Food fads
My family didn’t really have any rituals, preferring to leave that sort of thing to the neighbours who were a dab hand with the goat, sickle, wicker man and mistletoe at various times of the year.

However, as a teen I was shamelessly consumed by the food fads, to the point of OCD. One of these was grillsteaks for tea on a Friday night.

(For those of you unfamiliar with grillsteaks, they were a food product of the 1980s that are now probably outlawed in the EU on grounds of taste, health and common decency. They were steak shaped bits of ‘meat’ which I suspect were 70% animal, 20% flavouring and 10% addictive narcotic.)

Friday night was off to the supermarket for the weekly shop, with a teen Macnabbs, gangly, spotty and greasy, used as a beast of burden to ferry the groceries to the car and rewarded with Friday night being grillsteak night. Every Friday for about two years I would cut into my grillsteak to be greeted with a superheated jet of grease and fat that would spurt upwards. In the end, the piercing of the greasy cyst became disturbingly ritualistic. It was the chanting that did it.
(Macnabbs may contain traces of exaggeration on, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 12:40, 7 replies)

Grillsteaks
They're not illegal (assuming you're in the UK)- we get them at work.

I take packed lunches now.
( uberdeity Wondered why Owen Lars knew of the term "hell" on, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 13:48, closed)

70% meat!!
I doubt it! They are truly scrumptious but they probably contain 20-30% actual meat, the rest is rusk and additives I reckon.
Annoyingly, I bought some tinned steak from the supermarket today and that was 70% meat. WTF is the other 30%. Twunts.
( DUMBLONDE is a rubber lover girl, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 16:12, closed)

"the piercing of the greasy cyst "
*click*
(Reverend Samson Fapohunda B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, B3tan, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 16:04, closed)

My bird
One of the reasons that she moved out is that she likes grill steaks, potato waffles, fish fingers and other stuff like that whereas I like my food cooked from fresh. Should I make an effort to appreciate reconstituted shit and chemicals authentically shaped like something edible (except waffles) in a bid to win her back?
( stopmeandslapme Cometh the hour, cometh your mum, Mon 24 Nov 2008, 16:38, closed)

Your bird
Naturally you should train yourself to choke down gristle with a smile if it will make a young lady happy. This is excellent preparation for later life, when sharing a bed with somebody while silently seething or enduring exposure to reality television is the key to domestic bliss. The only drawback is when they smell slightly of grease in hot climates.
(Macnabbs may contain traces of exaggeration on, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 15:44, closed)

We sell...
Frozen ones in my store. They're Ainsley Harriet branded ;)

I can't seem to find a picture online.
(Nick_Brown You don't wanna see man when me get evil den, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 1:41, closed)

Pannnnnnnnnnnnndlan?
I too briefly googled grillsteaks but all that turned up were pictures of grilled steaks. These bore no resemblance to the grey and shimmering yummy atrocity of my youth. Intrigued that they are still on sale though, Poundland? Iceland? Just kidding, I am sure your shop is an emporium of delights. I now really, really fancy a grillsteak, and a Frey Bentos pie cooked in a tin, with instant mash, all washed down with cup-a-soup.
(Macnabbs may contain traces of exaggeration on, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 15:49, closed)