At first, I didn't think my family had many rituals or codes.
That is until I went home last night and greeted my mum in the traditional way by walking through the door and shouting "ello Mary Poppins" in my best Dick Van Dyke voice.
I then remembered The Morning Song. The Morning Song is simple yet effective. It involves knocking on someone's bedroom door and singing "time to wake up, and make a cup, of lover-ley tea, just for meeeeee." You then wait for the person you've sung to to get up and make you a brew.
It is also a bad idea to ever stand up in my house, if someone sees you are on your feet you will be asked to put the kettle on. Every. Single. Time. (We drink a lot of tea)

I then got thinking about christmas and how generally it seems to be a time for family traditions, some good, some not so good. There's always an aunt with a moustache bigger than Geoff from Biker Grove's just desperate to kiss you, presents you wish people hadn't bothered wasted their money on as you're never going to use them and the pressure to be civil. Don't get me wrong, I love my immediate family. I just don't much care for the other people I'm related to.
I could never understand why my uncle made such a huge deal about us being together at that time of year when he couldn't give a shit about seeing us at any other time. The excuse 'because it's christmas' doesn't sit well with me.

Boxing day was always the day for seeing the family. I wouldn't say I hated it, more I just found it pointless. I much prefer christmas day at home with just my Mum, Dad and two brothers for a few reasons. My family are ace, there's a lot of good banter and we do things for each other we know the recipient will find funny.

Every christmas morning for as long as I can remember I've opened my bedroom door to find a small pile of chocolate coins which then become a trail leading down the stairs, through the hall, into the front room and to the fire place and christmas tree. My mum told me years ago it's because Father Christmas has a hole in his pocket and the coins fall out as he makes his way about our home. (I have often wondered why in the 20 plus years he's been coming to our house he hasn't simply sewn the hole up!)

One year I was working nights in a club. I came home at about 5am on christmas day to discover my mum had, in true Adam & Joe style recreated the nativity scene in our front garden using soft toys, cardboard boxes and straw.

A few years ago my brothers and I went for a christmas eve drink. On the way home we passed some roadworks and decided that what was missing in our Dad's life was a men at work road sign.
After lovingly placing his gift in the hall we all went to bed only to discover in the morning that the miserable sod had worked out where we had acquired the sign from and taken it back! And so a new ritual was born. Last year we managed to get a shopping trolley tucked away under the stairs before he woke up and took it back to Tesco. I hope this year we find him another gift I'm sure he'll appreciate, a traffic cone perhaps?

The little things like the morning song and the chocolate coins remind me that despite all of my flaws my family still love me. I know the casual thievery annoys my Dad a bit, but he still can't hide the smile on his face in the morning.

If I ever have children, Father Christmas will have a hole in his pocket every year and if they ever steal a road sign for me I shall laugh and then put it back in it's rightful place before they wake up.
( wanderlust, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 17:50, 6 replies)

I like the chocolate coins idea
and intend to borrow it to surprise my lovely lady at christmas :)
( LemonEntryMyDearWatson This time, Moriarty, the hand is on the other foot, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 18:28, closed)

aww
I love the idea of the chocolate coins - that really made me smile!
(deadly_sinners, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 18:48, closed)

Aw, so sweet
Your family are indeed lovely.

I think this year you should try and steal a pool table to present to your dad.
( Boss Keloid Got your mother's maiden name tattooed on my arm, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 19:21, closed)

Now that sounds like more of a challenge
A traffic cone is just too much of a step down.
(icassu, Tue 25 Nov 2008, 19:50, closed)

Female relatives who want to kiss you
They give me the willies too.
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 9:18, closed)

Um...
that's not female then.
( scarpe We Stole Bikes, Wed 26 Nov 2008, 11:29, closed)