You can't pick your relatives....
My mum and dad were a funny couple. They plainly weren't happy - when I was 14 I caught my dad pinning my mum in the corner of the hallway after hearing some shouting. I punched him in the face and knocked him down and he retreated. Other than that there were a few rows, but they kept whatever it was that was causing them to dislike each other away from me.
Happy joy.

So, one day after 32 years (I'm 26 and left home at this point), my dad wakes my mum with a kiss her on the cheek whilst she lays in bed one saturday morning and tells her he is going out for a newspaper.
She comes downstairs later to a note on the table saying he's left. Turned out for another woman, who is now my step mother - though a more miserable bitch you couldn't find in all of christendom (their rows have included her trying to stab him, him getting arrested and me having to visit him at the police station, and him trying to hang himself). Except for my mum when my dad was still at home of course. Out of the frying pan into the fire for him.

A couple of years later I get married (now trying to divorce). I invite both of them to my wedding, not knowing what else to do, thinking - stupidly - that if they can't handle seeing the other one after all this time they'll just decline to come and wish me a happy day. Oh no - that would be too grown up.
I am promptly disowned by my mum for three years, because she thinks I should have banned my dad from the wedding.

She's disowned my twice again in the years since for various "slights" which basically boil down to not taking her side with my dad - but what she fails to understand is that as a sensible adult, I am not taking anyone's side. I grew out of that in primary school. I let 'em get on with it - they're both my parents and as bad as each other. I am going to be disowned by my dad this time around, as the fiance and I are planning a wedding in a couple of years that I have asked him to stay home with his new family (who don't want to know me at any other time) and let my mum attend this time. He is determined that he should go and she should not - again, and if this is not what happens, "that's it for me and you" to use his words. Perhaps we should just elope.

Families. I could go on and on as this isn't even the edited highlights really - I am also persona non grata with the whole of my mum's side of the family for said slights where I allegedly side with my dad. Shit 'em. No wonder I don't have any kids.
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 11:14, 4 replies)

So elope then...
or just don't invite either of them.We're planning to wed next year, most people are fine and have said you do whatever you want to do and just want us to be happy, others apparently want to tell us how it should be done. We have been unable to keep a couple of people happy with any plans we've suggested so we're planning on getting married in New Zealand now. It came down to being just a registry office ceremony and no reception at all so it just didn't seem worth it.

Just do what you want, it's your day after all.
(cmouse is pondering about life in other jobs, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 13:17, closed)

I agree totally, I'm keen on eloping !
However, the aside to this is both me and my fiance are blind (he is total and I am virtually). If we fuck off somewhere (which has it's own complications when you're blind, if you've never been somewhere before) and don't invite my parents (either one or the other or whatever) to the wedding then it's no big loss because neither of them really could care a monkeys about me ultimately, but they will certainly get the arse which can have far reaching consequences.
But if we don't invite his mum, step dad and sister either, which would only be fair of we eloped - well, then they'd go apeshit and then we don't get our post read or taken to the hospital when we need to go or all that shit. His mum is our sighted person, to coin a phrase.
Sadly you need people when you're both blind, simple as that. There are just some things that you either can't do or can't afford the hideously expensive accessible kit needed to do it.

I'd still risk it to be honest because I've gone it alone before, not nice but it can be done, but he's not keen on having his mum disown him as well - she did it a few years ago and he doesn't want to go back there. When there is shit you can't do for yourself you needs these buggers !
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 14:12, closed)

Oh now
Arr. but consider- Grandparents always seem to figure these things out whereas parents have not yet attained all the necessary 'wisdom'... if you could only have a batch of yar own kiddies, then wouldn't they all come around sharply! At least, that's the way always ends in evil cinema.
(hilarleo, Fri 13 Nov 2009, 19:55, closed)

Could well be, but -
There are many risks these days in carrying a child to term for me (to the tune of major organ failure for both me and t'sprog) so fiance had the snip. Didn't go down so well with my mum who would be quite happy for her only daughter to risk severe health problems or even death to spawn her a grandchild. But then again she thought I should get pregnant behind my ex husband's back years ago when I didn't have those risks just "to calm him down" ! You gotta larf, the woman has a bizarre set of morals fer sure.
(womanwhocanonlylivewithdogs, Sun 15 Nov 2009, 16:07, closed)