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This is a question Family Feuds

Pooster tells us that a relative was once sent to the shops to buy an onion, while the rest of the family went on a daytrip while he was gone. Meanwhile, whole sections of our extended kin still haven't got over a wedding brawl fifteen years ago – tell us about families at war.

(, Thu 12 Nov 2009, 12:24)
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pissed off with pesky parents? sick of sullen siblings?

Then Uncle Omni™ has the answer!

Forget family forums, eschew shouty emails - simply pop open a smoke detector - bust the ionization chamber apart (wear gloves and a mask kids!) chip off the photodiode (it's got the day-glo goodness of radioactive americium 241 in there) drop into a pestle and mortar, quick grind, then simply pop in their food...

Hey Presto! they'll be dead of cancer in a year or so!

No more moaning mum or flatulent father. Simples!

helpful pics

oh and bin the pestle and mortar
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 2:07, 12 replies)
0.3 µg?
You wouldn't be able to SEE it to grind it up. Not the best plan. How about lead acetate in the sugar bowl instead?
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 4:27, closed)
are a fucking sociopath.
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 8:24, closed)
^ erm you two
keyboardman yes you are probably right - although how would i know, ive never tried to kill anyone with a smoke alarm. something to do with not being a nutter.

belle - thank you, i assume in your emo self-harm victorian undertaker world that is a compliment. now please shuffle back to talk.
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 14:19, closed)
So much for ignoring me.
I knew you couldn't. I'm far too awesome.
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 14:44, closed)
sorted now
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 16:32, closed)
You cock smoking retard.
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 19:11, closed)
I wasn't the one who suggested it :-)
I just act as the QOTW's resident mythbuster when it comes to matters of pyromania and naughty chemistry. Besides, you yourself linked to the Wiki article, and assuming it's accurate you ought to know as much about it as I do.
(, Tue 17 Nov 2009, 3:01, closed)
Does the dipping match heads into cups of tea story have any truth to it?

(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 9:48, closed)
Depends on the matches, really.
Non-safety matches may contain phosphorus which is certainly toxic in large enough doses, but it seems like an awful lot of dicking around when there are so many other wonderful poisons in the world.
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 12:03, closed)
fire alarms?
why not just disable the fire alarm and set the house alight?

thats simples!
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 13:58, closed)
Not that I'm into killing as such...
But I thought this as I read the original post...
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 14:28, closed)
And watch your inheritance go up in flames? Never!
(, Mon 16 Nov 2009, 14:37, closed)

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