Me and My Cousin
My Dads side of the family are all Essex boys and gals while i am a northern monkey so i rarely get too see them but when I do it is normally in the form of a big family piss up and it's a beautiful thing. My Dad is sort of the black sheep of the family, he doesn't drink a lot and is not too fond of the whole social get togethers so when him, my mother and my little brother pissed off back to my nans on the last do, Me, my sister, my cousin Tom and his friend headed over back to My cousins Ben and Katie's house with them and her boyfriend, to indulge in some post do ring of fire.

I love my cousin Ben, two years younger than me but a helluva lot bigger, a stereotypical cheeky Essex boy but he does have shall we say undesirable personality traits as do we all, however after everyone started becoming to pissed and my little cousin Tom threw up a little, Ben, me and Kate started cleaning up the house in preparation for his dads return which i found very surprising as the boy can be a bit of a cunt to his dad.

Anyway me and him ended up some how having a little play fight and i ended up on the floor holding his legs with my eyes shut. "Matt if you don't get off my legs after 5 i'm going to punch you in the face." I thought this to be a slight over reaction so wouldn't let him off the hook in what i thought was some harmless drunk "Who's dick is bigger" "1,2,3,4,5" SMACK!!!!! The fucking cunt landed a shot full fucking throttle to my fucking face. Hurt and Stinging my initial drunk knee jerk reaction was this wanker has got to pay. Got up and tried to smack him in his bollocks, missed completely and tried to land a blow of my own to the face and by now all the young uns (19 & 16x4) were trying to separate there older and apparently more wiser siblings and cousins. I caught up to the cunt grabbed his face and slammed it into a table, his little sister getting in the way of my intoxicated self and having to be rescued by her b.f. The next thing i remember is being on the sofa and the cunt got out the kitchen knives and seemed to be heading towards me as my sister got in the way and stopped him. I ran outside followed by my sister who proceeded to call me "crazy" (I have previous of being an absolute fucking tool when i abuse alcohol) Fucking hell! He had hit me in the face over nothing and tried to cut me up and i was the crazy one!!!! I told her to fuck off. Next thing i remember is my cousin Kate (Ben's sister) and her B.F calming me down and getting me in. They were fucking rocks throughout, i had never really spoke to Kate before as she had been very quiet until recently and i was expecting the worse when i heard she had a guy, but these two young people had managed to hold things together and calm a situation down between a 22 year old and 20 year old with ample maturity that we two cunts lacked.

I got inside and Ben came over, trying to say something i didn't know this at the time but apparently he had been outside beating himself. When he reached me I proceeded to tell him "hit me in the face your a cunt but getting knives and holding them to my sister and your fucking dead to me! Me and you are through!" He treaded off upstairs as my cousin Tom who had taken the whole incident quite badly, pleaded with me to make amends in tears telling us how much he loved us. Ben's dad arrived a few minutes later. I told him what had happened and the sorted geezer he is he stated that we should keep all things in house.

Of course after he trod down in his vomit soaked hoodie in the morning,we forgave each other. You've got too, life's too short and my family mean the world to me and i love them to bits. It has now been dubbed "The night we do not talk about" by Ben and although we haven't seen each other since i can't wait too hook up with him again! Alcohol hey, really does have a knack of bringing out the inner prick sometimes.

Oh and back in the day, i once killed a cousin from the other side of the family's cyber pet on Christmas day by disciplining the shit out of it. He proceeded by trying to kill me! Hands around the neck full on strangulation until he was dragged away. Again Boxing day we agreed to let bygones be bygones!
(joeystall, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 11:17, 12 replies)

You know the button that says "Tell us your story"?
The use of the word "story" is a hint.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 11:37, closed)

Perhaps he's been killed by his cousin

( Cactus 1 doesn't care what you think on, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 11:39, closed)

Strolling down the aaaa-ven-youuuuu?

(ThomsonsPier consumes, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 11:41, closed)

Really sorry people, i had just activated my account and was unsure whether it would work or not and didn't want to type out my whole story just to be told i couldn't post it, so i tested it out first. Too be honest i didn't think they'd be too many browsing! Sorry again!
(joeystall, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 11:54, closed)

Sorry to appear ignorant,
but what is 'post do ring of fire'?
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 11:58, closed)

Ring of fire
Ring of fire is a drinking game which involves cards being laid out in a circle with a glass in the middle. Each card has an instruction assigned to it. (For example, do a shot or 5 fingers)One of these instructions is pour whatever your drinking into the glass in the middle so it obviously works best if everyone is not drinking the same thing. The person who draws the last of the four cards with this instruction has to drink the shit mix. Quite a foolish game come to think of it.
(joeystall, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 12:03, closed)

You learn something new every day, as they say.
It's a fucking lie, but they do say it, nevertheless.
( Monty Boyce, My cheese game is strong, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 13:24, closed)

Surely whn drinking with cousins....
....if's best not to put them in a position where they have to 'do...5 fingers'?

I mean, in Norfolk maybe, but otherwise?
(NoveltyCondomHead Clanks Wams., Wed 18 Nov 2009, 15:06, closed)

I can't believe i'm admitting this, but the previous game we played involved a lot of cousin on cousin toe sucking..... :-S
(joeystall, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 3:59, closed)

I take it all back.
This is the first time I have used that phrase. Consider yourself to have received a rare - nay, unique - honour.
( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 12:00, closed)

I think I would pull a knife on you too.
I'm all for a bit of fun but if you can't stop yourself pushing people's buttons until they are well and truely pissed-off then you deserve anything they throw at you.
(Me, I'm not... in any way intoxicated, Wed 18 Nov 2009, 17:50, closed)

Are you fucking shitting me? Lightly holding on to someones legs after a mess about that he started i would of let go right away if i was sober and hadn't been threatened!!!! You sound like such a prick.
(joeystall, Thu 19 Nov 2009, 3:58, closed)