At least he had an excuse
A work colleague was sent to do a job in India. Not surprisingly, he took some extra time off at the end of the job, to to some sightseeing. However, during this holiday, he vanished.

He turned up ten weeks later, wandering the streets of Paris in a state of advanced mental confusion. Apparently he'd met some kind of Guru in India, but after that things were hazy. He was in such a bad state that he was sectioned, and returned to the UK to take up residence in a psychiatric institution.

Some of his cow-orkers visited him in hospital. It was a very bizarre experience; on the face of things he was normal, and he interacted with people in a perfectly ordinary way -- but what he was actually saying was decidedly odd. He firmly believed that he could out-run any olympic runner, hold his breath underwater for twenty minutes, see through walls, and many other grandiose and superhuman abilities. But he said it in such normal, ordinary tones that you almost believed him.

He also stated that he could heal the sick, merely by the laying on of hands. He asked if any of us wanted to be healed - well, I've always had a little trouble with psoriasis, and there's no cure, so I let him have a go. He placed his hands on my arm and forehead, then closed his eyes in concentration. After a few seconds he released me, and told me that I was cured.

And you know what? Incredibly, and to my utter amazement, over the next few weeks, absolutely nothing happened at all.
(moon monkey is busy making memories worth repressing, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 11:49, 10 replies)

Presumably he was diagnosed with bipolar disorder

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 12:04, closed)

Are you qualified to make that diagnosis?

( monster munch person, man, woman... camera... TV?, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 12:25, closed)

sure, why not

( 2 Can Chunder Word to your mums, I came to prod bums, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 12:29, closed)

You have to BELEIVE man.

(username failed moderation, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 12:10, closed)

I want to know how to Ork a Cow

(Captain Placid 24/7 ball gags, brownie mix and clown porn, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:01, closed)

You can ork a cow to water, but you can't make it think.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:57, closed)

beat me to it

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 15:33, closed)

Beat you to the punch?
Or punch you to the beat?

Um-cha-um-cha-um-cha.
(RebelWithoutApplause My underestimation will almost be the death of me, Mon 9 Jun 2014, 12:11, closed)

rhythmic violence is bad m'kay?

( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 12:30, closed)

There is a bit of ambiguity here.
When nothing at all happened did you have your usual rash, or did the psoriasis not break out?
(the other guy not the one that gave you coochie warts, Fri 6 Jun 2014, 13:39, closed)