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This is a question Fantasists

Eddie Spunkbubble says: I used to know a sad case who fancied himself as a bit of a 007 and bragged that he always carried a loaded 9mm pistol in his attache case "just in case". Overheard by an off-duty copper, he was asked to make good on his claim. A packed lunch, red face and a stern warning "not to act the twat" and he never did it again. Tell us of Walter Mitty types.

(, Thu 5 Jun 2014, 11:40)
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a couple of years ago, my brother was getting married. one evening he bumped into an old acquaintance from school. let's call him james, for that is his name.
on being asked what he was up to, my brother said that he was heading off for a wedding cake tasting at slatterys (have some gratuitous cake porn, this place is amazing: www.slattery.co.uk/irshop.aspx?section=content&page=159).

"that's amazing," james said. "and what a coincidence - i'm a wedding cake baker! don't make your mind up straightaway, let me send you some samples." my brother was happy to agree, as you would be for more free cake, and sure enough, a day or two later, they got a box of cake.

hard pieces of stale cake. they were all sorts of random, with no pictures of the finished product, just slices wrapped in napkins. utterly disgusting. so my brother told james politely that they would be using slatterys.

the next day, he was in the pub with some mates from school, so he told them the story. one of them said that he had to be mistaken, it couldn't have been james. because he had met james recently in manchester, on his way to a tennis game, and james had said that he was a star tennis coach and spent most of his time in america, coaching the stars of the future.

eventually it turned out that james was still living at home in his parents' basement, working as a shelf stacker in tesco (hence the stale cakes, which he had simply nicked from the unsold rubbish). gah, i feel all sad now.
(, Mon 9 Jun 2014, 10:41, 5 replies)
needs more shit

(, Mon 9 Jun 2014, 11:46, closed)
speak for your own buttsmell, buttsmell!

(, Mon 9 Jun 2014, 11:47, closed)
that's more like it.

(, Mon 9 Jun 2014, 11:57, closed)
I'm unimpressed by the cakes.

(, Tue 10 Jun 2014, 19:29, closed)
bugger off
the cakes are magnificent
(, Wed 11 Jun 2014, 13:38, closed)

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