Aunt Gay
My old mum used to say that you never know what goes on in someone else's bedroom. No matter what they look like and how they act in normal life, you never really know what a couple gets up to when they're alone.

And she was right. I had an Aunt Gay (yes really) married to an Uncle Neil. They were a very sweet, middle class, very catholic couple. They went to church very frequently, were involved in many things in the community, and very well liked. They both used to love for me to visit them and play Bach to them on their piano.

Aunt Gay fell off a step ladder while picking apples and broke her leg so I and my dad went to visit to help out. I was playing Bach while my dad and Uncle Neil were out tidying the garden. Eventually Aunt Gay fell asleep and I, being the enterprising young Ruddles that I was, decided to hunt around the house for the birthday present I was sure they would soon be giving me.

I trotted quietly up to the bedroom, listening out for the sound of the back door opening, and hunted around in cupboards. I didn't find a birthday present, but I did find Uncle Neil's stash of condoms (back of an upper shelf of a wardrobe, not exactly handy, but then he was catholic) and the biggest, blackest dildo I had ever seen. I rushed back downstairs and started to play Bach with trembling hands. I had a completely different view of sweet Aunt Gay. Assuming it was her that used it.
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 23 Oct 2009, 11:54, Reply)