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This is a question Sexual fetishes

Rubber wetsuits. Knee-high boots. Nuclear-powered clockwork cucumbers. Dressing up as Pingu whilst reading out loud from the works of Dan Brown. What floats your boat? Or what fetishes have you encountered? Suggestion via crackhouseceilidhband.

(, Thu 22 Oct 2009, 13:25)
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My German ex-boyfriend used to love being on the receiving end of a little gardening uphill. Didn't do anything for me but I was in love and eager to please so we bought a strap-on complete with an amusingly veiny large black dildo. Trying it on for the first time I had the incredible urge to turkey slap. In an attempt to make myself feel less she-male-esque and tone down my brand new fake penis I put sexy lingerie, suspender belt and stockings.

It's quite a physical feat to peg a large 6ft hairy German when you're petite, 5' 2" and have to jump to get things down from the top shelves in supermarkets. And aiming is hard; I forgave every man who's had trouble getting it in the hole, though it's obviously more difficult when your knob doesn't have any sensation. After several attempts using half a tube of lube and resulting in the repeat violation of his scruttocks, I eventually got it in the chocolate starfish and started gyrating away. I kind of enjoyed having complete control, but him whimpering like a naughty little Fräulein was a big turn off. However he loved it and started asking for it regularly.

I drew the line when he asked if he could wear the stockings and lingerie :(
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 22:11, Reply)
Durex have released their best ever contraception.
A packet of ginger hair dye.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 21:41, 3 replies)
fettish - court case
I was on jury service so not too sure if this should come out here but the names of the not so innocent will remain hidden.

Anyway this guy was up for some crime - Obviously wrong to reveal details. The perv!! But he revealed to all in the court room that he liked to lick his own jizz from his hand. It was like his kinky thing. Now I have never ever been tempted to have a good old taste of my man fat, the odd miss sprayed shots in the eye perhaps, but to openly admit to a court room that he liked to slurp it up. Well that took the soggy biscuit. Retiring to the jury room was an odd experiance.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 20:23, 1 reply)
I have made to measure suits....
I usually go for a quality black or navy mohair... Always single breasted, always slanted pockets, and a centre vent of 5 inches. I have my belt loops made wide like tubes rather than hoops.

I always get an extra pair of trousers at the same time. My tailor is (or at least seems) remarkably straight, but impeccably turned out.

I never have more than a 15inch bottom - hate flappy trouser legs. Nothing feels better than a tailored suit. I bought one from River Island once - a tenth of the price and a hundredth of the quality.

(is that frothing at the gash I hear?)
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 19:50, 3 replies)
regrets, i've had a few...
one of my ex-boyfriends had a real thing about having charlie blown up the wrong-un. just the sight of a straw was enough to set him off, like pavlov's dog with a bell. and a bone(r).

my first real boyfriend used to get massively turned on if he tickled me in bed, which thoroughly pissed me off. until i asked him why having a naked girl underneath him screaming "no, please stop" gave him such a huge hard-on. strangely enough, he never did it again.

i was also seeing a guy fairly recently who used to beg and beg and beg to be allowed to lie underneath my glass coffee table and watch me do - erm stuff - from underneath. needless to say THAT never happened. there is kinky and then there is just plain icky, given that my guests and i eat off that table!

oh, and my friend's fiance loses it and blows everywhere if she calls him "daddy" in bed. i cannot believe she accepted his proposal. i can't believe she did not run screaming from the room the first time he revealed that. god knows i did when she told me. what if they have a daughter, ffs? what then?!

as for me... only the boring predictable stuff, sadly. nice aftershave (mmm. allure pour homme) makes me weak at the knees. guys in suits/dj's. guys with blue eyes. guys with nice hands. guys with great teeth. arrogant guys with a slight edge of mocking self-deprecation. the "brad pitt" muscles just poking out above the waistband of your jeans...
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 19:04, 15 replies)
Reading all of this...
Looks like I need to put together a to-do list.

1. Get a nice suit.
2. Dye my hair ginger.
3. Invest in some chapstick.
4. ...
5. Profit.

Surely it can't be that easy?
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 18:25, 7 replies)
Anyone else
suddenly get the urge to go out and buy a very nice suit? It does seem to be a recurring theme...

edit: As for fetishes, I don't really have any that I'm aware of. A few kinks here and there, a greater than normal love of performing oral sex on women (even if it doesn't lead to full-blown sex- having her soaking my face is reward enough :P)... that's about it, really.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 18:10, 1 reply)
I opened Torture Garden in Edinburgh Last night with one of my Burlesque routines..
So the fetishes and kinks I saw could fill a page here. but needless to say if you've never had 10 thousand volts through your nipples, watched a gimp eating a bageutte whilst being petted, discussed the pro's and con's of whipping versus spanking, Danced with some of the Hottest Burlesque/Fetish stars in the UK and enjoyed every last minute of it, you're probably not me.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 17:55, 7 replies)
I met
my perfect man on Friday. Gorgeous, tall, hit every single one of the things I mentioned in an earlier post- suit, sexy voice, lovely hands and on top of that was kind, funny and clever.

I'm not sure if I can call it a fetish, since I am certain there must be a requirement of 'more than one occasion' but since meeting him I've added to the things that make me wobble, chapstick. He used it a few times and each time I don't think I could tear my eyes away. It was a nervous habit I think, and by the end of the evening I was practically having to sit on my hands so as not to lunge at him.

Since he is currently in a long term relationship, and I'm pretty sure he wouldn't go for me even if he wasn't, that is sadly as far as it will ever go. But now instead of lipgloss, it's chapstick all the way, and it is now irretrievably associated for me, with the most instant and electric sensation of attraction I've ever felt for someone.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 17:21, 2 replies)
I know...
I know I said earlier that my ideal man would be an Irish fireman with curly hair, but having thought about it for a few days I have decided that he should be an Irish old-style gypsy fireman who could tell me about theoretical physics and occasionally be a cowboy who enjoyed snogging other blokes.

As you were.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 16:51, 6 replies)
I now feel two things very strongly
...firstly, that I am more of a prude than I ever would have suspected (and quite happy with it, ta), and secondly, I now know far more about some of you than I ever would have cared to.

Pure filth, the lot of you.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 15:26, Reply)
Feeding others' perversions
I had a girlfriend who had a thing about (a) goths (b) men in suits (c) shaving. Yes, a shaving fetish.

Every morning as I was getting ready for work, she'd sit on the toilet at the end of the bathtub, watching me shave in the shower and making appreciative noises. Then I'd get the suit on for work.

Worked for us!

Mine? Hot goth chicks. So I was doing all right there.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:04, Reply)
It's a strange one, but I developed an obsession with the astonishing and family-friendly conjuring talents of diminutive and follicularly challenged git-wizard Paul Daniels.

Now every time I blow my wad over a lady / over the bed / in the back of the wardrobe / into a fellow commuter's pocket, I can't help but cry out "Now that's MAGIC!"
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 14:01, Reply)
ginger men
Christ knows what it is about them but there's something absolutely irresistible about men with red hair; doesn't matter how it's cut or whether he's short or tall, thin or fat... if i see a ginger guy in the street, it's swoon time :)

oh and fellas in suits - the smarter the suit the better; get them horny, pull out their tackle thru the flies and stand back. the vista is beautiful! such a smart fella from the waist up and such a deviant from the waist down hehe

oh, ginger men is suits are pretty amazing too!
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 13:42, 4 replies)
Okay, kind of a crazy one
But...CSI. Maybe I just watch it too much, but I would love to be the body they find in the weirdest circumstances, like bondage gone bad and they have to find out all the naughty things i've been getting up to. And I would not mind being in that autopsy with doc. Robbins cutting me open and rummaging around inside, feeling Grissom leaning over and breathing on my cold skin when he spots an interesting bruise pattern. Oooh, the thought of toe tags makes my toes tingle!

But maybe now i've shared a little too much :)
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 13:25, Reply)
Went 'round to visit some friends on a quiet Sunday afternoon.
Social call, cup of tea, natter about things and stuff.

The friend's girlfriend turns up half an hour later with a cheery looking border collie in tow. She says it's followed her home. Looking at the thing, it's obviously a well-kept critter - nails clipped, shiny coat and all that - but it doesn't have a collar or anything to help find its owner. A search party trawls a couple of nearby streets for someone looking for an escaped dog, to no avail. So my friends pop a collar and lead on it, and take it to wherever the police say you're supposed to take lost dogs in the hope that their owner will be looking.

I'm half-way home when I realise that neither my friend nor his girlfriend have ever owned a dog.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 13:17, 4 replies)
One friend always liked rubber, especially one girl, he said he loved the slipperiness.
Unfortunately, she started to go down on him.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 12:54, Reply)
I can haz bondage?

(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 12:45, 3 replies)
If anyone out there...
Can only get overwhelmingly aroused by the sight of laydeez doing DIY or other building type stuff, then please come round to mine with your engorged member and some Army Surplus equipment and help me build my kitchen.

Two birds. One stone.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 12:43, 4 replies)
Men in suits
Even better... men in tuxes. But the ultimate is men in tails... oh baby!! I don't know the origins, but it had nothing, absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with my desicion to become a musician, I promise you that
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 12:26, 3 replies)
I used to go to boarding school,
as did a mate of mine, but different schools, different decades and different countries.

We were sat chatting one day about our school days, and the pros and cons of boarding. One of the main cons of course is the lack of girls, and I was telling him about the sexual fantasies I used to have about matron (even though she was a quite unattractive 45 year old alcoholic), when he told me this amazing story.

A friend of his had gone to see matron with a condom in his pocket and asked her how you use one. This was in a school run by the Christian Brothers in The Republic of Ireland in the late 70's. Instead of reporting him to the head, Matron had started telling him how to use one while he took out the condom and followed her instructions. He was left stood in front of her with a sheathed erection poking out of his shorts. He started wanking, Matron sat down and watched him, he came popped his cock back in and left the room. Then went and told my mate.

After hearing this story, what could my mate do,but get his hands on a condom, go to Matron and ask her how you use one. The story was repeated, and then repeated every Tuesday night for the rest of his school days. She never touched him, touched herself or said anything. He would just walk in, have a posh wank while she watched and then leave.

Now as far I'm concerned, this story gives me the raging horn, and I told him so. He came up with the bright idea of making a video. We could set up a room to look like an ancillary, get a middle aged woman in a white coat, and film me walking in, having a posh wank, and then leaving. Then I would have the video of me wanking to wank over.

And I guess that's my fetish. I want to wank over a video of me having a posh wank in front of a middle aged woman in a white coat. Unfortunately we were in Thailand at the time, and though I could think of plenty of Thai ladies who would be only too happy to be Matron, it would ruin the effect. The woman must be white. So I still don't have my video. I was back in sunny Blighty last year, but had forgotten all about it. This question reminded me, but alas I'm now back in Asia. If there are any white women between the ages of 40 and 50 reading this in Jakarta who wouldn't mind playing the part of Matron for my video, it's a damn shame, as I would say gaz me, but I'd just get a load of piss takers.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 12:14, 1 reply)
My sexual fetish..... a history
When I was a young boy, probably 5 or 6, I had a babysitter. a sweet, kind and attractive girl (maybe 14 or 15) who lived across the road from us.

When she needed to pee, the only bathroom in our house was at the top of the stairs, and she couldn't really leave a hyperactive young lad running around to potentially fall down the stairs.
so, she would always pee with the door wide open.......

fast forward 30+ years and guess what my total, absolute, greatest, numero uno, mind-blowing fetish is?
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 11:47, 9 replies)
I'm into BDSM, the scene the sex, all that, even done the classic gagged and whipped stuff that everyone assumes is the be all and end all of it even tho it is actually more about the lifestyle and philosophy for me than any sex act or look,
but as such I could fill this entire QOTW subject with what I know about fetishes, from the man I know who will screw ANYTHING if it has a bandana attached to it, to folks who have taken finding a person wearing, say, leather boots, to be sexy, onto the ultimate conclusion of just having sex with the actual leather boots, bypassing the human element entirely.

There is a common theme to pretty much all S&M/Fetish/BDSM clubs and conventions I have ever been to though, and that is fetish wear 'uniforms'.

This doesn't necessarily mean just uniforms like army and other public services, but also entails dressing as skinheads, whores, workmen or bikers for example, basically anything that someone might have on a wish-list to either be or fuck 'cos they find it exciting. The problem with this is kinda the same one as those into 'Cos-Play', that what folks find sexy and exciting to pretend they could be is usually entirely opposed to what they actually are, as such you get fat thin-skinned office jockeys attempting to pass as big hard armed response police and effeminate queens doing their best to pass as soldiers fresh from Iraq (you also get ex-army plumbers attempting to be sexy ladies but that's not relevant to my point right now).

Now you may be surprised to hear I have no fetishes myself, none, there is nothing anyone could put on or dress as that I would then get hard for regardless of the person inside, nor anything I've ever felt the need to pretend to be in order to feel good about myself, to me any regalia or equipment should serve a purpose or it's irrelevant. As such seeing these 'uniforms' going about around me and indeed having to dress to some degree in similar stuff in order to be allowed into such places has always and, I suspect, always will, just seem odd to me. I don't do it myself (other than having a mohawk and therefore being 'a punk'), nor have I ever felt the urge to, but apparently if I wish to be accepted by the community as 'real' (and therefore get thru the door) then I have to dress as something I am not, the same as they do.

I just don't get it, and find it ever so slightly insulting to those army and police guys who do a real and dangerous job, and being friends with some real bikers too, just fucking ridiculous that any of these guys think they can pass as one. I mean to many it isn't just dressing up in a fun 'theme night' fancy dress Village People kinda way, they REALLY take it seriously and you should too, and absolutely NOT burst into giggles when they order a Campari & soda at the bar.

One day I secretly hope one of these guys in full regalia takes a post-clubbing visit to the local kebab shop and meets the real deal, just so I can watch their conviction that they can totally pass as 'real' because they've spent all the money they've made cold-calling folks about house insurance on their fetish uniform, land with a thud on the floor for taking the piss.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 10:25, 2 replies)
I have a thing for women. You know, the female of the species - legs, breasts, bum - that kind of thing.

I now feel deeply ashamed for admitting my sick perversions...
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 8:52, 1 reply)
I wonder whether anyone had a thing for the old Homebase uniform of gingham shirts and green dungarees.
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 6:25, 1 reply)
Macrophile here
I have a thing for giant girls. Add a bit of vore into that too, the idea of being eaten (swallowed whole, that'd be soft vore not hard) is a turn on.

Also bottoms, and everything to do with them. I'm a fan of the digestive system in general i think so that includes mouths and all.

On the contrary vaginas wont do it for me, i thought i might be asexual, but i think its just because ive never met a girl more than 7 feet tall, let alone a few hundred...
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 3:09, 1 reply)
Public places
I've found chicks that would fuck in public places. Parks, public transportation, beach. This girl wanked me in the public park next to the city's cathedral. One day, I was on the back seat of my parents' car, with dad driving, fingering the girl while she was talking to my parents.

Me? I only have a thing about pointy ears and sharp teeth. And bites. Nothing really interesting :^P
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 2:00, 1 reply)
Bow ties.

(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 1:58, Reply)
Fantasy fetish vs reality
Reminded of this tonight because of a couple of vampire films on TV.
Years ago I had a real kink/fetish for the whole vampire thing.
The dark mysterious brooding man who would bite me and send me into paroxisms of delight.
Vampire films and books would have me throbbing with desire.
Got involved with a guy who was happy to oblige that fantasy.
Being bitten on the neck, nice.
Actually drawing blood, frecking scary.
Then cutting himself with a scalpel so i could lap at it.
It tastes bloody horrible.
Cured me of that one.
Some fetishes are best left for fantasy use only ;)
(, Sun 25 Oct 2009, 1:29, 2 replies)

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