My Brother
Occasionally posts on here so I thought I get this one in before he does.

My bro was in the army and this meant that he regularly had to uproot his kids and move them to his new posting. On one move, Barry his eldest came up to him for a talk. Barry was worried about starting at a new school the next day as he thought he might get beaten up for being the new kid. So Steve put him right.

"What you've got to do, Number 1 son, is to find out who the *2nd* hardest kid in your year is. Don't go for the hardest - he'd probably murder you - but find the 2nd hardest and try and give him a good kicking. Even if you lose people will leave you alone after that"

So armed with this knowledge (and remember this was the guy who told me as a kid that to stop a dog attacking you you should ram you hand down it's thought and grab it's tongue..) Barry went confidently off to school.

About three hours later Steve got a call. From the headmaster who demanded his immediate attendance at Barry's school. So Steve shot off there and was ushered into the headmasters office where he was given the biggest dressing down he'd ever had in his life. 35 year old and been bollocked by a headmaster!

Turned out that Barry had found out who the second hardest in the school was. Tracked him down and brained him without warning with a half-brick. When he was dragged off and taken to see the headmaster he was asked why he'd attacked somebody without warning on his first day.

"My Dad told me to do it......."

Cheers
( Legless Mister Stabby - shanks for the memory, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 11:36, Reply)