Being a geek as a kid...
...and I mean full-on spod, rather than the stealth geek* status I have now, I attended a pretty rough state school and so was singled out for bullying here and there.

Thing is, I had been training in Shotokan with my mum and stepdad on-and-off for years (they taught it up to 4 evenings per week back then) so my antagonists usually had a pretty frustrating time of it, followed by a surprise. Let me explain; if I couldn't extract myself with either reason, humour or flight, then when things really deteriorated I would be able to block about 9 out of 10 blows directed at me. This was extremely useful but I couldn't really strike back. The problem there was that I had developed a habit from sparring at the club of pulling my own attacks back to eliminate the harm they would otherwise do. I had become prodigiously skilful at this because I hated, and still hate hurting people when it comes down to it.

So, when an opportunity came to strike out at my nemesis-for-the-day, I would land a blow that they would barely see coming but pull it so that it landed as soft as a kiss. The idea was to make it clear that if I had wanted to I could have sparked them (at least to them - if I'd let it be known that I couldn't actually bring myself to hurt them then I would have been in a world of hurt every day thereafter). Enough to earn the point, so to speak. Most of them were smart enough to work this out - the shock on some of thier faces was as satisfying as if I had decked them. They usually never bothered me again. Sadly some of them were just too stupid to grasp this/get bored with the limited hitrate and so carried on with the added bonus of saying that I hit like a poof. All in all I took a couple of kickings but I wasn't a slave to them - can't ask for more than that, I suppose, considering where I was.

I've filled out a bit in my adulthood and my formative years running with scallies has given my countenance and bearing a faint "just don't" flavour, as well as curing my old habit of holding back, so I don't happen across much trouble now. Suits me just fine. All the same though, I always wished I could do it like my stepdad but I didn't and probably never will have his physical strength. Quick-as-a-flash, my stepdad can land a body blow that can send someone flying, but instead of watching them sail away through the air he can actually catch them before they pass out of reach, hold them right there for a second or two and then carefully place them back on thier feet whilst they goggle in disbelief**. Now that, my friends, is a cup that runneth over in terms of both rock-bastard-hardness and style. Chuck Norris has fuck-all :D

* See jonc101.tripod.com/geeks/stelthgk.htm for a definition.
** Oh yes indeed, the man has chi. He's gone 60 years old now and he can still fucking do it - he demo'd this move to some of my mum's high school students a couple of years ago during a PE lesson, and a few other moves besides. He truly is going to be one of those wizened old men from kung fu movies who can kick your arse using just two toes, one thumb and his eyebrows.

EDIT - Of course, there was a time or two when I was floored during these and other altercations, and with my learned techniques depending mostly on being on my feet, at that point I was pretty much fucked. My advice to anyone taking up a martial art for defence is to choose a school where they teach you some groundwork as well so you don't get beasted if you find yourself on your arse - martial arts have rules, but brawling doesn't.

Apologies for length and complexity - been writing reports all week :)
(thatblokeoverthere not quite as much an arsehole as I thought, Fri 10 Mar 2006, 13:10, Reply)