Grab life by the balls
Way back in whatever year this was (you can look on imdb if you so wish, I cannae be fucked, quite frankly) my mate Chris came down from Sunderland to visit me in London where I was living at the time. Chris is a nice lad - his two problems are that he's a mackem and he looks like Mini Me. He's also a God-squadder, but much more in the lets-all-be-nice-to-each-other manner rather than then believe-in-Jeebus-or-we'll kill-yoour pet-rabbits manner.

I digress. Unusually.

So, we dceided to spend the day seeing the sights of Laaahndaan. Like most people, when you live somewhere, you very rarely go to see the tourist attractions. So we decided to go for a day of it.

First attraction was the London Eye - or not as it happens, because due to a mechanical fault it was closed. I'd pre-ordered tickets as well, and it took me some time to explain to the mouth breather woman behind the desk (who'll be the first up against the wall when the revolution comes I tell you) that I wanted a REFUND not an EXCHANGE of tickets. This tested her room temperature IQ as she kept telling me they couldn't issue a refund. It was when I told her that as they had failed to provide the service that I had paid for, i.e. to go on the big shiny thing for an hour on a Tuesday afternoon, then they were in breach of the contract that I had made to them etc. etc. Eventually the supervisor came and said (this is a direct quote "For fuck's sake Maureen just give them a fucking refund."

Huzzah!

So then we decided to go and visit London Dungeons, although the queue was so long that women were conceiving and giving birth in the queue. Fuck that for a game of soliders. We thought of the Tower of London. Looked at the prices. Uttered words to the effect of "I believe that is slightly on the expensive side." Even Chris let flee a simple "fuck" when he saw the fees.

We were depressed. We got on the tube.

Passing Wood Green I said "well, we could always go to the cinema." So off we got. I knew there were 2 cinemas, so one would have something decent on.

As it was Chris's trip, I decided he should choose the film. "Oh" he said, "I quite fancy seeing Dodgeball"

"Dodgeball?" quoth I

"Yes" quoth he. "It is a comedy with Vince Vaughan and Ben Stiller.

Oh, let joy be unconfined, I thought. The last Ben Stiller "comedy" I saw was Zoolander which was about as funny as Helen Keller's DVD collection. And Vince Vaughan rated just above Saddam Hussein as one of my favourite comedy aactors, but there we go.

There then followed possibly the funniest 2 hours of my life. The film was bloody brilliant. When the S&M scene on the dodgeball court came on, I thought I was disturbing other customers, but I couldn't see due the fact I was crying with laughter. At the line "and that's a great move by the submissive", a little bit of wee came out. I walked out and my jaw was hurting with the laughter. The best film ever, not just because it was fucking funny but because I'd gone there in a pissy mood, and with incredibly low expectations.

Mind you Stiller and Vaughan are still as funny as a 3 year old's funeral.

Length - about 2 hours, but 25 minutes of bonus features on the DVD
( Undercovercarrot got done for gross misconduct on..., Fri 18 Jul 2008, 15:23, 3 replies)

zoolander is ace
you film mong.
(Pat_Gash, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 15:57, closed)

I didn't expect much when I saw it
But the line "If you can dodge a wrench you can dodge a ball" had me in hysterics!
( TGB checking Off Topic is still shit at, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 16:17, closed)

go, you crazy son of a bitch, go!
i fucking love dodgeball! anyone who doesn't laugh at fran and owen is a humourless cardigan-merchant.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 18 Jul 2008, 17:56, closed)