My house is lovely, thanks for asking.
However, I did once have the pleasure of cleaning my family's rental unit after the alcoholic shut-in moved out. Highlights:

1. Mold. Did you know that mold can grow on window panes? There was a cup of coffee that had been sitting on a shelf for so long that it had an inch of mold crust. Every surface in the house had to be wiped down so we could repaint it.

2. The dog. The woman had an old golden retriever that I used to take care of when she left town. This generally involved me spending half an hour removing the dog's ticks, some of which were the damn fattest ticks I'd ever seen. During house cleaning I swept up bags full of dog hair, some containing ticks. The whole time I felt like I had hairs on my tongue and in my lungs.

3. The odor. The whole place smelled like some oppressively hot tropical marsh because of the dog, it had a sort of sickly sweet rotting meat smell. This smell refused to go away after days of airing out the house, so while cleaning for four days straight I had to just suck it up and try not to hurl. Even after we repainted, the chemical smells didn't completely cover the dog smell.

4. The kitchen. She had left a lot of her stuff at the house, including dirty dishes stacked in the sink and a messy fridge full of beer and uncovered foods. Now, this is in Hawaii, land of the cockroach. I patiently went dish-by-dish through the sink killing little baby roaches, and then did the same for the cupboards full of somewhat clean dishes.

5. The dirt. The floor was (cheap) wood that had been painted by a genius former tenant. I thought the brown streaks on the floor were places where the dog had scratched away the paint. Once I started mopping, it became clear that she hadn't cleaned the floor since she moved in. The brown streaks all scrubbed off in a muddy mess.


What's that, you say? We just had to clean, we didn't actually have permanent damage to the house? Fuck you. We had to repaint (several coats and spackling to cover stains and damages), tile the floors and retile the kitchen, replace appliances, and do something about the nest of bees living in the wall that the tenant had failed to mention. On the behalf of landlords everywhere, THIS IS WHY WE ASK FOR A FUCKING DEPOSIT, YOU BLOODY INGRATES. It's because it appears that most people choose to just move out when they don't feel like cleaning the epic messes they've created.

And my mother called a few weeks ago to tell me about how she was exhausted from spending all week cleaning up after yet another messy tenant. It's disgusting that people even live like that. You people should be ashamed of yourselves.

That is all. Have a lovely day.
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 19:07, 10 replies)

While living like that is pretty damn grim
I have little sympathy for landlords. Yes, you have to deal with some unreasonable stuff, but then you've got houses effectively buying themselves for you, so sorry if my heart doesn't bleed just yet.
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 19:45, closed)

And if you find yourself a bit strapped for cash, you can alway skimp a bit on the maintenance.
Even if it's something major like a damp-course failure that leads to half the plaster peeling off the walls. You can just accuse the tenant of damaging it and withhold their deposit.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 20:27, closed)

Even if you're not hard up
When it's coming to the end of the tenancy, from which you'll have earned ~£25 000 over 2 years, for doing fuck all, you can suddenly be 'busy' whenever your tenants call, and save re-attaching the bannisters to the wall your mate plastered for a favour (because he'd never done a proper plastering job before), after openly telling the new tenants all the things you're going to fix and buy new before they move in, using the current tenants rent.
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Thu 25 Mar 2010, 22:27, closed)

That's true
I did have one landlord who lived halfway across the country and never returned any communications. Not when the faucet broke, not when the stove burners quit working, not even when the upstairs balcony was threatening to fall off. Another landlord refused to do anything about the severe leaks that caused black mold which gave me pneumonia. The bastard's lucky I didn't sue him.

On the other hand, I've had some pretty awesome landlords. My current one installed a washer/dryer recently and didn't use it as an excuse to raise my rent. Hurrah!

As for making money off rent, with property taxes my parents barely break even and my current landlady is losing money on this property.
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 1:12, closed)

Good Lord, my last landlord was completely awful. Admittedly I wasn't playing straight with him near the end either, but that was due to circumstances out of my control, and he did get all his payments on time...

Regardless, I was there for close to two years, and in my second October, some squirrels came in through the roof that he just wouldn't do anything about for the longest time. I had to pretty much put my life on hold for two weeks and shoo the bastards back up in the ceiling each time they poked their heads down. And in the week before I moved out, the bedroom roof completely fucking caved in with a torrent of water pouring down through the window and the light fixture in addition to the big fuck-off hole in the ceiling. Did he pay for the damages to my bed, bookshelves, and dresser? Did he fuck.

Heh, I might shoehorn this into its own answer later on.
(Legion, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 4:10, closed)

It's nice to know that there are some good landlords
but even 'breaking even' means that you've essentially got a house paying it's own mortgage , not exactly something to complain about!
( greedyostrich Cheese is evil! Cheddar is VOODOO!, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 12:01, closed)

It can be a good deal, but...
Tenants can cost you a LOT if you get a bad one. A few years back we had a tenant who broke and filthified a bunch of brand new appliances (including the stove), then said that it was like that when he moved in (BRAND... NEW...). He then took my family to court over it and won, though my dad was able to get a restraining order against him because he had been making harassing phone calls.

A criminal background check revealed that he had done the same thing a few years prior.

Whichever side you're on, it's just a matter of finding people who aren't assholes out to screw you.


(Oh, and: we don't have a mortgage. I know, Americans without a mortgage. Freaky. Anyways, we wouldn't be able to afford to pay property taxes if we didn't rent out the unit, so when we have to spend the rent on fixing tenant damages, we aren't too pleased.)
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 19:44, closed)

To be fair
not all tenants are bad, Im just about to leave a rented place, I have had the carpets professionally cleaned, taken down and washed the curtains, replaced the broken toilet seat, ( because I broke it)and repainted the door my daughter scratched to buggery. Admitidly thats only because I want my deposit back but still.........
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 1:03, closed)

You're awesome
It's close to impossible to do no damage to a house. I wouldn't expect anything more than the tenant to take responsibility for small fix-it jobs and things that are their own fault. If a light blows out, it's your own damn problem. If the freezer decides to quits freezing, call the landlord. And when you move out, don't leave massive piles of trash in the house.

Not so complicated.
(Exempt OH WOW, VICODIN, Fri 26 Mar 2010, 1:36, closed)

My partner and I are also model tenants
It helps of course that he values money quite highly and wanted our £1400 deposit back in one piece, so we had the carpets cleaned, the curtains dry-cleaned, the nets washed (by his Mum) and we and his parents cleaned the house until it gleamed. We were very pleased to get our money back, but we had made a great effort to work with the agency to make sure all parties were happy. In doing so we found out that we were basically a minority of about one and most people do what your bad tenants have done. It was a little shocking!
( Bozo the Clone will work for chocolate., Sat 27 Mar 2010, 13:07, closed)