How to get thrown out of a gig
Mike Woz Ere has reminded me of a story a friend recounted to me about his wierdest ever gig experience. If you're reading this, Tracy gave you my number and I've still not heard from you, you crazy fool.

Anyway - picture the scene. Gurning friend, wearing (IIRC) a flowery dress, DMs, eyeliner and a few days' stubble, goes to see Sultans of Ping. From the outset he was a bit the worse for wear. Actually, I think that was pretty much his ground state.

Much wobbling in time to music commences and said friend decides some poppers might be a nice idea. Now, I personally know nothing about them, so I have no idea why he decided to set them alight at that point.

So there he is, flaming poppers in hand, when he gets bumped by another SoP gurner in the mosh. Poppers promptly spill over his hand. "Oh dear", he thinks, "that's not good. My hand is on fire somewhat".

The logical thing to do is therefore move the bottle of poppers from the flaming hand - which he does by throwing them to his other hand. Spilling more flaming poppers - over his *other* hand. So now both hands are on fire and panic starts to set in.

Self preservation dictates that he really should get rid of the bottle. So he drops it, whereupon flaming poppers spill all over his feet. Stamping out the flames makes it worse. In fact, it covers his boots in flaming poppers.

Before they burnt out and he was ejected from the premises - and, unerstandably, not allowed to return - he briefly stood in the middle of the gig, panic on his face, sister's flowery dress flapping around his hairy legs, both hands and both feet blazing away.

What a twat. Lovely bloke, but a twat.

Oh, and one time my shower caught fire due to a short circuit. That was rather surreal.
(Fat Bear is adjusting your breasts on, Thu 3 Nov 2005, 10:12, Reply)