Someone's tried to kill me!
My parents went on holiday and left me home alone so I could take my last exam. The first night after they left I went out on a pub crawl, returning back to my homestead somewhat worse for the drink. Upon getting to the front door I noticed that all the lights were on which was odd as I left in broad daylight. “Shit I’ve been burgled” was my first thought, so I went looking around the house to see what had been taken but everything was in it’s place, although there was a strange smell. I switched out all the lights and went to my room, there were some strange black charcoal smudges on the outside of the door, when I opened it all I cold see was a black hole. My window had been smashed through, absolutely everything was covered in black soot. Walls, ceiling, bed, clothes in wardrobe, everything completely f***ed. My first reaction was remain calm, my second was to go into a blind panic, phone 999 for the police shouting down the line that someone had tried to kill me by firebombing my room. They took about two hours to arrive where they explained that a fire had started as a result of the TV in my room exploding.
The next day I went to my local where they said that my neighbour had phoned the pub looking for me. According to the landlord the conversation went like this:

Neighbour: Hi is Don there?

Landlord: No he’s just left.

Neighbour: That’s a shame as his house is burning down.

I was now a legend in my own local.

After my last exam I spent my next two weeks of freedom replacing the window, completely redecorating my room and trying to sort out the insurance.

My parents weren’t very pleased.
(Don Breakit, Fri 4 Nov 2005, 16:27, Reply)