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This is a question Fire!

We were all in my aunt's kitchen at the back of her huge rambling Victorian house. I was only small and had wandered off to go to the loo, but given up after finding the hall full of smoke. "That was quick," my mum said after a few minutes. "Yes - it's all smoky," I replied.

I've never seen adults move so fast.

So, like my cousin who'd managed to set fire to the roof, tell us your fire stories.

(, Thu 3 Nov 2005, 9:11)
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Great balls of fire
Somewhat relates. I'm just looking for an excuse to tell the damn story. Names changed so I avoid a bollocking for not telling the story properly.

The guy who runs my theatre camp is a large and angry fellow we'll call "Bob". Bob is Thor and God's Wrath in a human body. Remember that.

Come summer's end, Bob offers some of his personal vans to counselours willing to drive them down to Florida. They're free to go where they like with them, as long as they reach the Florida offices within a week or so. Three eager counselours, "Chomp", "Fart", and "Nuts", get a van and they head off once the session is over.

Fart is working the camcorder and they've been on (relatively) good behaviour for the trip. At one point, they make a stop in a fireworks-selling state to stock up for whatever diabolical purpose they had in mind. Fast foward a little bit to the trio waiting at a red light. Fart notices a hissing sound and turns around to see Nuts dropping the granddaddy motherfucker of their purchase out the window as he grins like a maniac.

BOOM! Lights, fire, explosions, and noise erupt like a small volcano. It doesn't help that this is a busy intersection and I think this took place a year after 9/11. Fart and Chomp scream like girls and run the red light to get as far away from the scene as possible.

A few hours later, they're driving down a road and Fart notices a squad car behind them. "Hey, wouldn't it be funny if they were for us?" he asks. Then the lights and sirens go on.

Chomp, Fart and Nuts are brought out of the car at gunpoint. Several other squad cars arrive and as they're searched with guns inches from their heads, the cops are screaming at them, "DO YOU HAVE DRUGS?! DO YOU HAVE WEAPONS?! DO YOU HAVE DRUGS!? ARE YOU TERRORISTS?!" They're shitting water and just trying to explain all they have are fireworks as Bob's personal van is torn apart. Cushions are slashed and searched, pieces torn off, everything.

The boys are brought in for several hours of interrogation. Almost every law enforcement officer in South Carolina is involved, including the Deputy Director (or someone just as important). They're doing everything they can to avoid being sent to Guantananmo Bay or worse, a South Carolina prison. These are three somewhat good looking Australian boys (I dunno about Chomp) and the LAST thing they want to do is wind up in the latter. (Go rent 'Deliverance' if you don't know why.)

After what I think was close to twenty-three hours, Fart decides to play the wild card and begs them to do anything except call Bob. He'll kill them in more ways universally possible. He'll invent ways. Do anything but that. They snicker, get the phone number from him anyway, and sometime later, they turn 'em loose.

The boys make it to Florida and lie low for a few days. Fart finally works up the nads to call Bob.

Bob: Hi Fart.
Fart: Hi Bob, how are you?
Bob: I'm fine. And so is the South Carolina Deputy Director.

45 seconds of silence

Fart: I got it all on tape.

While the three were being arrested and the car ripped to shreds, Fart had left the camcorder running. He sent the tape to Bob, who is rumoured to still have it and one of these days, show the video during the counselour training period as "what not to do".

No apologies for size. It fills out the bra and the lads love it.
(, Tue 8 Nov 2005, 6:02, Reply)

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