Burn baby burn (not an instruction,more a comment...)
My cousin when he was younger came visting my grandparents with his best mate. they'd be about ten and they decided to help my Grandpa out by burning all the crap from the recent harvest. The only problem was the crap was in a barn. £7,500 worth of damage, three fire engines and an almighty bollocking. Still made me laugh. Or my Grandpa out in the field trying to byurn the corn, just threw a match down and then watched as the flames raced towards his new truck....he reached the truck just before the flames did, and he also once trapped himself in a circle of fire, but one of the farm workers saw him and helped him out.My bro used to burn himself when his girlfriend dumped him, but I think he's over that. We once made an aerosol flame thrower in our backyard,video'd the results, and had to act innocent when our neighbours wondered why the area stank of burnt deodorant! then there's the smoking bin outside our office,every lunchtine it sets on fire, and every lunchtime the security guard dashes out with a bucket....his record is 30 seconds, we're trying to get him down to 20 seconds! and then there was the time we'd been out in a mates Reliant Robin (we were only 16 ok!) smoking and we'd put our butts in the ashtray, only one hadn't gone out, and Reliant Robins are basically plastic so he comes out onto his drive the next morning to find a melted mess and a stink of burnt plastic where the Robin used to be! Pyromania doesn't run in my family honest...its just the schizophrenia,the alcoholism, the narcotic addiction,the insanity, the hallucinations....
(Lord Monkey of Yorkshire,OBE killed a gipsy on...., Fri 5 Mar 2004, 1:15, Reply)