The Critic
Theaters can be tight little wallows of self-pity. Deafening, righteous caterwauling from all sides.

Several years ago, our local critic couldn't endure the rock singing of one of our actors: "I wanted so badly for this actor to be good ... or at least to get better, as the show progressed after its excruciatingly painful opening number. But he didn't, and it hurt to listen to him, although he certainly put heart and soul into the character's anguish." The critic pitied the actor so much she refused to name him.

The unnamed actor was flabbergasted - pitied and criticized in equal measure - and stepped outside usual theater etiquette by responding publicly to the charge of being off-key. Critic and actor alike rent their garments in convulsive public acts of self-pity.

Three years later. Different show. Different actors. Same critic. Several people responded to a checkered review with milquetoast comments: "Just keep working hard and the show will be amazing in no time!!"; "I don’t know what show she was sitting through but it wasn’t the same one I saw." Plus, the coup de grace: "Who the hell goes to opening night to write a review?"

The critic replied: "The members of the theater in question never write anything positive if I give them a good review, but I can guarantee you someone will complain about a bad review, no matter how well deserved it is, though I bend over backwards to say as much good about the company as I can. ... Still I know that opening nights are often not their best, so I give them the benefit of the doubt. Does anybody ever appreciate that? Of course not."

The critic's fraternity of critics chimed in: "Write how you really feel about them in your next review. Maybe they will appreciate you more in the future."; "It's a lack of integrity on the part of the actor, or company, to permit such childish behavior."; "The players; if they can't take the critical review, don't do the play or whatever!"; "Stupid whore. Want me to rough her up?"; "Can I add some muscle to that?"

I finally intervened to point out that the milquetoast comments on the review came from the audience, not the cast. Quietly, I hoped we lived in a world where the critic's word need not be law, and where the audience could disagree publicly with a critic if they pleased without facing a goon squad.

The wave of self-pity quickly passed, but it was illuminating.
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 19:43, 10 replies)

What is
Milquetoast?
(Smale is stuffed, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 20:37, closed)

Toast with milque on it.
See also: eggmilk.
( The Mock TurtIe ™ --- Thinks you are a cunt, on, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 23:26, closed)

Okay.
What?
( BraynDedd Natasha Kaplinsky's labia majora, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 20:40, closed)

I'm really sorry....
...but I got to the second line and got so bored I gave up. If anyone cares to precis this anecdote in about twenty five words I might read it.
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 21:13, closed)

"Darling, you were wonderful."

"You're just saying that."

"Yes."
(ubergeekian, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 21:32, closed)

Nut then again I probably won't
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 21:14, closed)

Sulking in self-pity...
...because his story is so damned tedious....
(Perv With A Dog had his eyes pecked out by scrub jays on, Fri 2 Mar 2012, 23:22, closed)

Of interest to folk like as what do learn off words and stand up and say them pretending to have a real conversation
Although that is a niche-group: basically what I'm sayin' is- enjoyed it, for what that's worth..
(pikey, Sat 3 Mar 2012, 23:53, closed)

Jean Sibelius
“Pay no attention to what the critics say. A statue has never been erected in honour of a critic.”
(Mackeson_drinker, Sat 3 Mar 2012, 7:30, closed)

Some critics are better than others: but how do you know if you've got a good one or not?
There really should be some kind of 'expert' to rate them for us.
(pikey, Sat 3 Mar 2012, 23:31, closed)