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This is a question Things we do to fit in

"When I was fifteen," writes No3L, "I curled up in a Budgens trolley while someone pushed it through the supermarket doors to nick vodka and Benny Hedgehogs, just to hang out with my brother and his mates."

What have you done to fit in?

(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 12:30)
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I don't usually try to.
But sometimes it happens in the oddest ways. Like this occasion, back when I was putting my time to good use during my university summer holidays.

I was temping with the bin collectors, amongst other agency work, filling in when they were short on manpower. So after the safety lecture ("Don't stand behind the wagon when it's reversing, don't stick your arm in"), out I go with two others, three man crew per bin lorry.

These guys were all of a certain sort; Sun newspaper, chip butties, football and desire for boobs. They were nice enough, though, despite inhabiting a rather alien world of blokeyness, and the conversation would sometimes wander onto the "philosophical" questions of life, which was nice. I was generally with a different team each day, but always the same thing would happen:

A young lady would catch the driver's eye. He'd lean out and sound his appreciation with the standard hooting whistle. Then, without fail, he would turn to me and say "you got a bird then?"

I would, quite honestly, answer; "no, I'm gay."

There would be a pause while "ctrl-alt-del" is pressed in their minds. Then the subject would neatly change to something entirely unrelated.

Except for one time, when Dave (if I remember right, though it could just as easily be Frank, or Steve, or Bob) responded to my answer with the customary pause, then a thoughtful inhale, then...

"Well, I don't know much about that, but when I were younger I slept with my best mate."

Stunned, I cautiously replied, "you mean, shared a bed?"

"Oh no," said Dave. "We had sex. But not in a gay way."

I couldn't think of a good reply to that one, so it was up to me to change the subject this time.

I wonder how many other blokey blokes have had manly man-on-man sex "not in a gay way".
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:03, 16 replies)
It's not gay if you don't push back. *shrugs*
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:08, closed)

I thought it was if your balls don't touch. :P
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:24, closed)
if its your brother
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 19:58, closed)
the local priest.
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 20:47, closed)
It's not gay
if you don;t make eye contact...
(, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 9:53, closed)
I imagine...
...that it's like a manly slap on the back, except instead of a hand, you use your jizm.

I don't know - I'm not a doctor.
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:09, closed)
I wish you'd asked him about the non-gay man-on-man sex!
Enquiring minds need to know.
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:22, closed)

I really didn't dare ask. In any case, I was soon too busy fending off the worrying advances from the Polish guy who, after spending the entire day waxing lyrical about how great his girlfriend was, performed the question-answer routine in his own way ("you got girlfriend?") and proceeded to spend the rest of the day trying to put his arm around me, saying "I like you...you give me phone number?"
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 17:27, closed)
You really are a gay-misfit magnet, aren't you?
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 20:47, closed)

I hope I'm just a plain old gay magnet, catching misfits and non-misfits alike.

*crosses fingers*
(, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 16:09, closed)
Perhaps he meant it was all lovely and hot and sweaty and passionate
just like the love scene in Brokeback Mountain.
And it was all men.
And hard muscles.
And grunting.
And naked men.
With thighs.

*Goes off to think long and hard about the love scene in Brokeback Mountain*

It's rather hot in here, isn't it?
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 23:18, closed)
I often
fake spitting into my hand to represent a situation that is pretty dark (usually post-club). No, it doesn't go down that well...
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 23:35, closed)

*stares wistfully into space for a while*
(, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 11:54, closed)
hucking filarity
I will laff about this for ages. Thanks!
(, Thu 15 Jan 2009, 23:36, closed)

Glad to be of service. :)
(, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 11:55, closed)
in prison, I suspect.
(, Mon 19 Jan 2009, 13:25, closed)

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