Try to fit in.......and fail
Yesterday I had the pleasure of a day off of work to look after my kids due to the wife going to Manchester to see Britains got diabetes (or something similarly named). Part of the Thursday morning routine is to take the youngest to a parent and toddler group which is basically a place where the stay at home parent spend the morning sitting in a circle drinking tea whilst their kids (who are too young to be put in any nursery etc) run around screaming and hitting each other.

The place itself is pretty cliquey and I quickly realised that the best thing to do would be to play with the kids instead (That is the better option for me anyway as I have the mental ago of a five year old most of the time anyway). Any other time I would have happily turned around, grabbed my kid and escaped through the door, but I realised that my son loved the place so decided to stay for a while.

After a half hour of playing with the toy garage and jigsaws a number of other kids wanted to play with me too and therefore a couple of mothers started to warm towards me. Just as I was thinking that the place wasn’t so bad one of the more boisterous sods decided to ruin it for me.

Louis is a kid at the group despite being old enough for school. He had been a pain in the neck since I came through the door and had been trying to start a fight with me as he said that if I retaliated in any way ( such as pick him up by the neck and throw him into the nearest wall- a thought that did run through my mind shortly after meeting him) I would be the one in trouble and not him.

I was on my way across the room to the sticklebricks (Still love them now) when he yelled my name. I turned around to see Louis charging at me, weaving his way around groups of kids and a look of pure evil in his eye. I realised that this little sod was planning on running into me (and more specifically my groin) at full speed. Thankfully I have three kids and am well versed in a decent avoidance tactic for such a move. The trick is to leave it until the last minute and then dodge out of the way as if you move too early the approaching kid will stop, realign itself and try again. I therefore waited until the last minute and leapfrogged the little sod, Louis went arse over tit and collided with a plastic container I didn’t see and burst into tears.

At this moment I realised that a bunch of mothers had decided to look up after the whole leapfrog and seen a little boy face down in the carpet bawling his eyes out and me smirking at him. I actually felt the temperature drop just from looking at the faces that the women were giving me.

I left the group before the closing song time and told my wife on her return that I won’t be able to take another Thursday off due to “work issues”.
(mon bison powered by magnets, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:03, 10 replies)

Sounds like
the little turd deserved it
(Fuckarma was masturbating into your handbag, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:15, closed)

People standing by and smiling indulgently when their child is acting like a cunt
is one of my pet hates. Their child will grow up to be an even bigger cunt.

I take it upon myself to shout at them on such occasions. Doesn't make me popular but I feel it's something of a public service.

I can barely cope with nice, quiet, well-behaved children, let alone the odious spoiled little shits!
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:15, closed)

the best way...
is to let the kid do what it wants...then calmly walk over to the smiling mother and beat the snot out of her instead.

The logic is simple: if you beat the kid, the mother will comfort him and tell him that he didn't deserve it. If she the one getting beaten (or gang-banged by hired thugs, the choice is yours), then little Junior sees that his actions have a consequence, the mother learns that letting her kid go mental has a consequence and everyone else gets a good laugh....

maybe I should give parenting lessons?

Sorry, but it's been a crappy day at work and the rage is building... :-)
(Chad, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:46, closed)

I would've kicked
The little shit when he was down.
He's gotta learn sometime that if you're a cunt, you'll get fucked.
( Cawl, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:20, closed)

Exactly
You see so many people whose parents let them get away with anything their whole life.

Then are surprised and go crying to mummy when they get a shoeing for acting like that in the real, adult world.
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:22, closed)

Oh...
I just like kicking children.
*shrugs*
( Cawl, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:23, closed)

Yeah
That as well.

I got slapped about when I was a cunt as a child, and it never did me any harm

*twitches*

*suppresses murderous rage*
(Son of Sam-i-am We're all as mad as hatters here, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:25, closed)

if it were me...
I'd hve just leathererd the little sod and then pre-empted the whining mother by tearing her off a strip for letting her retard-child behave like a total arse.

I'm expecting my first kid any time soon (or rather my wife is), and neither of us buy into this guardian-reading mentality of letting kids go beserk or sitting baps-out in starbucks breastfeeding and defying anyone to complain (despite breastfeeding in public actually breaking three or four public decency laws). If a kid is old enough to communicate, it's old enough to know right from wrong and it should also learn a) respect for others and, b) picking a fight with someone 5 times your size is a sureire way to an ass-kicking.

Mothers like that tend to wind me up - my best mate's wife is one (see this post to get an idea of the turmoil her and her spawn have caused... thankfully she's just had a second kid, so she's too busy to act like a twunt and they're too broke to spoil the kids any more. result!
(Chad, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 12:25, closed)

Breast feeding...
...isn't remotely indecent, in public or elsewhere. Unless, of course, you contort yourself to get a good look at the - shudder - nipple as it is very briefly exposed to a very small angle of view. In which case I think the ogling perve has rather more of a problem than the mother, the child or the rest of society.

It doesn't break any laws and, in this enlightened part of the UK (Scotland) has explicit and strong legal protection.

On the other hand you are quite right about bratty behaviour. The child may not know what's acceptable, but the parent bloody well does.
(ubergeekian, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 18:21, closed)

Hahahahaah!
There are so many nasty little children about it's horrifying!

When I was teaching in an Infant school one senior teacher told me to slap my hand down onto a table where a nasty child was and then say in a very loud and insincere voice, "Oh, sorry darling, was your hand underneath?"
( chickenlady b3ta's very own Elizabeth Taylor, Fri 16 Jan 2009, 17:54, closed)