i am usually
very outgoing and talkative. some would say far too much of both. but if i have a good point, it's that i can usually make people laugh a lot. unless and until i fancy someone. then my tongue sticks itself to the roof of my mouth and i carry the world's biggest watermelon.

classic example last week, when i went out for lunch with the impossibly sexy boy from work and his colleagues. now i actually know him well enough to handle decent conversation - it only took 12 months to reach this stage - and for the first half an hour it was just me and him, which was great. but enter the colleagues, give me an audience, and the following disaster ensues:

so we are discussing one of their former colleagues, who has just left the law to tour the world with his boyfriend for 12 months, before settling in dublin to study history. neither of them work; they have amassed enough money that they don't need to. he is also a total party animal. what i meant to say was, i suppose gay couples tend to have less in the way of fiscal responsibility because they don't have the endless resource sucking drain that is children, so they can spend more time and money on themselves. but i was so busy thinking this thought through that i missed the fact the conversation had moved on. then i got flustered because he Looked at me, and just blurted out:

"i wish i was a gay bloke."

he just stared at me in much disbelief before saying, "er... so how's your risotto?"

fuck, fuck, fuck. or rather, absolutely no fuck!
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:46, 17 replies)

Wow that story's hilarious as always rachel.
We should go for a coffee and talk about other hilarious anecdotes.
(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 13:53, closed)

you know, sometimes
your words? they hurt me.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:04, closed)

No they don't, you love me.

(PsychoChomp, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:10, closed)

there may be a teeny tiny kernel of truth in there
somewhere. right at the bottom.
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:20, closed)

You always love those that hurt you
*slaps*
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:41, closed)

Play nice
Rachel is a sensitive soul...

With a lovely lovely lovely picture selection.

And a lot of unpleasant stories (which I thoroughly enjoy)
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:10, closed)

what on earth
happened to your car??
( rachelswipe with a fork, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:20, closed)

Head Gasket
Kerblam. It was an old one, but it was lovely - all kitted out, nice alloys, low miles, lovely stuff.

I love 90's cars.

Gutted I killed this one.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:43, closed)

head gasket's not so bad
shop around and you'll find decent prices for it.
( Kroney, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:54, closed)

Binned it.
I ran it dry and fucked it goodstyle.

Besides, I'm hunting for something cheap to run - I'm moving 30 miles from work.
( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:56, closed)

Is your sig your new chat up line?
Can't I be a bit of both?
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:18, closed)

What? A clunt?

( disasterprone "Pyjamas caused the Holocaust", Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:19, closed)

That's a female clown, isn't it?

( Davros' Granddad a voice of calm reason in a world of spastics., Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:42, closed)

No, it's a clowns aunt

(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:47, closed)

Think he's hit it on the nose though,
Sig to change!
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:48, closed)

He should have said
Fancy a bum
(Dwarfsmuggler Has hogtied Snow White, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 14:28, closed)

Officelols as Usual,
Thanks :)
(Obi wanker nobi Its not a bug, its an unexpected feature, Thu 18 Feb 2010, 15:56, closed)