Advice required
I don't drink coffee. Really don't like the taste. Never have. I'm sure it's great if you're into that kind of thing, but it's really not for me, and I manage to live a happy and productive life without it.

What then, is the least feckless answer to the question "do you want to come in for a coffee?"?
(Vice Admiral Sir Charles Cockbrush KCB MBE DSO, who is finding it increasingly difficult to log into b3ta.com wants to duck your aunt and kick your puppy, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:24, 12 replies)

"No, but I'll shag you if you want.
"Or, for that matter, even if you don't."
( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:29, closed)

Kick her door in, set fire to her house
and yell in her face that bitch, I don't LIKE coffee, then tell her you'll facebook her, yeah?
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:32, closed)

Then throw your gang sign.

( Je suis un vagabond is an unfunny, up your own arse middle class knob, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:54, closed)

Say "yes please"
and if she actually attempts to make coffee say "actually can I have tea/water/juice"
( Colonel Dracula Two manky hookers and a racist dwarf, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:29, closed)

No, don't suggest alternatives, just say "Actually I don't drink coffee"
During the uncomfortable pause that follows, you'll both be able to work out exactly what will happen next, no one has to drink any coffee, and you'll both live happily ever after (until you sober up and sneak out in the morning).
(sabre-tooth monkey, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:52, closed)

"Oh, I could do with a cup of tea, if you have any.
I'm not really partial to coffee.


Can I cum on your tits?"

?
(Spleep Shit, or get off the internet., Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:30, closed)

"Do you want cream with that?"

( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:31, closed)

Accept the invitation
then while she's brewing up, whip your keks off and show her your true intention.
( Piper Alpha is being a grumpy northerm bastard on:, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 9:56, closed)

"No, but...
... I'd like to watch you grind the bean*"

* assuming that not much coffee is required
(snopesthetruth, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 10:00, closed)

"Oh, no thanks
I'll be up all night"

Also - from 'Brassed Off'
Lass 'do you want to come up for coffee?'
Lad 'I don't like coffee'
Lass 'I haven't got any coffee'.

Ace film
( Larry Vest One day at a time, sweet Jesus, FFS., Fri 19 Feb 2010, 10:00, closed)

As soon as any woman* says "Coffee", just lunge at her and try and stick all of your tongue down her throat. Sixty percent of the time it works every time.

*except your mum
(ElectricSexPants would like to be the Sultan of something, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 13:57, closed)

if a woman asks you if you want to come up for a coffee
it NEVER means she just wants a coffee. go up, accept the coffee, you'll never have time to drink it before she jumps on you.
( Smash Monkey lowering the tone of the whole internet, Fri 19 Feb 2010, 21:18, closed)