That is lazy but potentially problematic.
Look at the type of guys your parents think would be a good match and then ask if you'd touch them with a bargepole. Would they want you to marry a religious rich guy with an arrogant streak a mile wide? Would they happen to have access to a load of really hot cheese loving guys who're ace at Mario Kart? Important stuff.

Do you only consider asian guys? Maybe open yourself up to the possibility of dating all races if so, we're all human after all. Either that or get on shaadi.com or other asian dating sites. My brother in law has found a couple of girls from there that he's dated and they seemed all right.

Your love of video games, liberal politics and cheese will be a plus point to most geeky types (personally I'd find that more interesting than a penchant for discussing shades of eyeliner and Cheryl Cole) if that's what you go for but in general get out and meet people, find something in common with a guy you like and talk to them. Get to know someone and they'll either make a move or you can just get them drunk and jump on them.

Many guys are too shy to make a move but are pleasantly surprised when women do. You have it much easier in this regard.
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Wed 24 Feb 2010, 16:08, 1 reply)

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I trust my dad's judgment more than my mum's. He'd pick someone who'd suit me. And I'm open to dating men of all races. The ex was white.

I did have a look on Shaadi, but unfortunately I'm too dark. My skin is the colour of a Galaxy chocolate bar rather than wheat. Damned Indians and there obsession with whiteness.

I think my problem is my complete lack of self esteem. That and the fact men don't find me attractive whereas women do. Men describe me as cute, which is just a polite way of saying "I wouldn't sleep with her". Women think I'm beautiful, and I've often though I'd have a love life if I were a lesbian. but I'm not.


An arranged marriage might seem lazy, but it would appear to be the only way.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Wed 24 Feb 2010, 22:00, closed)

Fair enough on the skin thing, there is some irrational bullshit about that. I almost fell out of my tree first time I saw a skin whitening cream advert on Indian TV. The realisation that while white people want to go browner, brown people want to go whiter made me amused yet sad.

To put it delicately, you mentioned that you were chubby. Without wanting to be patronising (hell, I have a tyre I need to shift), maybe doing some form of regular exercise would help you to a. meet men, and b. boost your self-esteem by getting yourself in trim? Even if you don't there's many men who like the cuddly figure. Cute isn't always a bad thing either.

You say that men don't find you attractive, but there will be someone out there. It may just be that you're like many people and just haven't noticed someone who's fancied you. I've gone round for years not seeing anything, my wife had to molest me (in a good way)for me to notice that she fancied me.

There's also the question that if you have an arranged marriage, how would you know your husband didn't just settle for your situation and lifestyle characteristics rather than actually liking you for who you are? I've seen arranged marriages work fine, but for a westernized liberal woman I think they're more perilous than someone coming from the subcontinent.

Chin up and get back on the horse, wouldn't you rather make your own choices in life?
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 11:07, closed)

I'm trying to lose the excess weight, so hopefully I'll get my self esteem back. There are so many clothes I cannot wear at my current size, and it sucks.

My friends have been really sweet and claim men might find me intimidating. Quite why, I've no idea!

Being more sociable would help me loads and I'm working on that too.

I'm not the most patient person in the world, and am aware that if I'm still single by the time I turn 30, the family will be on my case. And I'm aware that an arranged marriage won't be like a love marriage. There wouldn't be much in the way of romance or anything like that.
(ToysForBigBoys would spread her legs for Nick Clegg., Thu 25 Feb 2010, 12:02, closed)

Sounds like you're doing a lot to help yourself then.
Finding the right person might take time, but it'll be way more worth it IMO and you may even get romance like this:

kotaku.com/201299/the-mario-wedding-cake

My wife outright refused from an early age to have an arranged marriage as she wanted to 'pick her own'. Aside from making me feel like a piece of fruit, she's happy to be in control of her own destiny and we've been happily married 5 years with a beautiful baby (she's annoyed that he looks a bit pasty though).

Every Asian person I know who's over 25 gets hassle from their folks, but people get married later these days so in most cases the parents have to suck it up. Don't do things because your family pressure you to. Good luck!
(The man with the flan swashed his buckle on, Thu 25 Feb 2010, 12:44, closed)