Ken's Big Bite
A slice of Hovis Best of Both Invisible Crust (Thick)
A light smearing of Flora Pro-Activ Extra Light
Then on with the ham -
Tesco’s Finest Wholegrain Mustard Wiltshire Cured Ham
£2.97 for four slices
That’s 3 Clubcard points
Quality
Not like the “20 slices for £1.29” crap, which is mostly water, and has the texture and flavour of a mouse’s tongue
On top of the ham, some grated cheese. Davidstow mature cheddar or Cracker Barrel - something with a bit of bite
On top of that some thin slices of Sainsbury’s Flavouripe tomato - tricky, this - need a very sharp knife - careful - mind fingers - ah!
Cold tap on
Five minutes
Frantic, sweaty, but ultimately fruitful search for Elastoplast
There
Then some black pepper, from a pepper grinder purchased during a desperate excursion to IKEA, during which there was an argument with the wife, a cricked neck, a harrowing visit to the lavatory, confusion, fermenting ire, and intermittent thoughts of suicide
Then lettuce - not that tastless iceberg rubbish, but 2 leaves of Sainsbury’s Organic Little Gem Heart. Tasty. Mmm
Then the finishing touch: a blob of mayonnaise - Hellmans, of course
Only the best
Then on top of all that the the other slice of Hovis Best of Both Invisible Crust (Thick) again lightly smeared with Flora Pro-Activ Extra Light
Then press gently down - not too hard
And replace the slice of tomato that has fallen out
Onto a plate with it
Perfection
Anticipation
Salivary glands in operation…

And then, like a thief in the night,
Ken, with his teeth, took a bite.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Thu 27 Jun 2013, 21:31, 2 replies)

Margarine and Mayo?
You're no right! (as they say in Scotland)
(KipperMinge has been watching out for the penguins since, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 9:01, closed)

Don't tell I
Tell 'ee!

Ken that is.
(Dr Skagra glorious glargzhem, Fri 28 Jun 2013, 21:07, closed)