There was a lad at school....
....let's call him, oooh, Tom. We'll call him that because the rest of the world does. Before we get to him though, have some back story...

We were in sixth form at the time and as Comic Relief was on its way round we thought we'd do something, this was on a 10% raise money 90% get out of some lessons basis of course.

In the end, we opted to build some sort of gunging device, the kind of thing that Noel Edmond's would be proud of. We fashioned a sort of tank structure with a seat in it upon which the victim would sit for their gunging.

The format was simple, we'd have buckets of different things and we'd have votes on a selection of people who were 'up for it', people would donate money to see said people gunged, we'd raise some money. Simples.

The nominees were, predictably a couple of teachers, a couple of students and amazingly (because she agreed to it) Claire, one of the fittest girls in sixth form.

Donations were made, gungings were had, and even Claire took it well, being deluged with a bucket of Tescos finest value beans. If I'm honest, it was a bit of a turn on, seeing her slathered with a savory dish, which I thought was weird, but anyway.

In total we raised a good few quid and had a laugh doing it.

The end.

Oh, no, wait. Tom. A few months later we were at a friends 'gathering' having a laugh, as you do, when Tom saunters over. We, in fact no one liked Tom, he was just a bit too weird for our liking. Still, we were tiddly so we humored him and let him in on our conversation which was based around our charity efforts. Then of course we talked about the individual gungees, leading us to Claire. It was at this point that Tom uttered the words which to this day still steal some of the enjoyment out of eating beans, along with shattering my peculiar turn on created by seeing Claire smothered in them....

"I had a wank it them beans."

Shudder.
( The Pollitt chooses to listen to Enya on, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 15:16, 1 reply)

"I had a wank it them beans."
Tom is that part of us all which wants to share our innermost in the hope that it will open the minds and hearts of the group to a larger understanding of the human condition.

"I had a wank it them beans."

So honest, so pure, so downright base and animalistic a human utterance I have ever heard.

"I had a wank it them beans."


lesson for the day people..
(The Cats Twat, Thu 6 Aug 2009, 16:57, closed)