Ketchup
A friend of mine is a nurse and told me this story. Maybe it's an urban legend, but it's a good yarn.

So a guy has been admitted into A&E with a ketchup bottle wedged up his arse, wedged so far he couldn't get the thing out. He claimed that he had gone for the weekly shop, but when he came back found he'd locked himself out. Being a chap with initiative, he put his shopping bags down and climbed the drainpipe towards an open window. But sadly the drainpipe was too weak for him, and came away from the wall. He fell back, and landed *SMACK* on a bottle of tomato sauce which had coincidently been left standing upright, the bottle being inserted up his rapidly-descending rectum.

Which was just about possible, my friend said. What the guy didn't explain was why there was a condom on the bottle.
(McChinaman banned, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 9:29, 3 replies)

Gervais?
.
(Monkey the Chicken Twitter: death_stairs, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 10:15, closed)

I must ask
Was in one of the newer plastic squeezey bottles or the traditional solid glass type?
(TheManWithThePlan cussed your mum on, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 10:26, closed)

This one's so old,
it had to be the glass type, the plastic ones weren't around at that time.
( Blind Meach Cautiously optimistic, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 11:50, closed)