Chocco Madness
I had a boyfriend (for a very short time) about 12 years ago that went to Stoke university (that should have been a warning sign!). He lived in a house with 4 other students, even though he was in his late 20’s (another warning sign!). Boys being boys or men being boys – you decide, porn was the choice of décor for the pad, beautifully cut out centre folds from Playboy, Fiesta and Mayfair adorned the walls in the hall, living room and even the kitchen (put me right of my kebab). From this I naively assumed that he had a fairly good carnal knowledge and the he might be pretty adventurous under the duvet, or in fact on top of the duvet or even up against the porn filled walls!
The first weekend I stayed with him I ventured all the way down from Scotland equipped with new lingerie, perfume and the obligatory 1997 sex accessory - a tube of chocolate body paint – complete with brush.
After a nice evening out at the cinema (we went to see the Full Monty) and a few ciders and blackcurrant, we headed home. Things were hotting up when we got back to his student pad – clothes coming off in the porn laden hall – we didn’t care if spotty Neil from Bedroom number 3 caught us.
As we were getting down to it (shagging that is) I decided to whip out the chocolate body paint, he looked very confused but I assured him that this was all the rage and that we should give it a go. Carefully he undid the top and knelt over me…. Then the stupid fucker squirted the entire contents all over my face!! END OF SEX,
End of relationship about a week later.
(JellyBelly JellyBelly, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 15:36, 2 replies)

was it white chocolate?
if so, you could have exclaimed "The Milky bars are on me"!
/sorry, the story raised a giggle :)
( The Great Architect is still waiting for his account to be deleted on, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 16:12, closed)

Put you right off your kebab?
Fnarrrrr!
(aroe_m0rre, Fri 7 Aug 2009, 16:20, closed)