Raspberry Revenge
I'll keep the story brief as I only read the short ones myself.

Long story short my favourite dessert many years ago was the Sarah Lee Raspberry Danish from the frozen aisle. Whenever I was feeling down, or my girlfriend had pissed me off, she'd produce the dessert as a peace offering, much like the petrol station bunch of flowers.

One day I was so pissed off at her, even the Danish wasn't going to help, I was expecting one when I got home, but I had different plans for this one.

When she produced it I said "You know what'd be really sexy?"... "If I smeared it all over your body and licked it off". I led her upstairs, foil-cased Danish in hand, opened it up and got started. For anybody who's never seen one of these desserts it's far more pastry than anything else, so not really suited for the task. That didn't stop me getting stuck in tearing bits off, making sure plenty of cream and rasberry juice was used as a bonding agent.

Finally when she looked a complete and utter mess and was visibly turned on at the prospect of me licking it off, I buggered off downstairs and watched telly.

To this day I still think it's the harshest thing I've ever done, but I WAS really really pissed off with her, although I can't remember specifically why!
( JebediahSpringfield, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 15:25, 6 replies)

Fucking
brilliant. You cunt

*clicks*
(SoneMe, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 16:15, closed)

lol
Out of interest... Still going out with her?
( whenanimalsattackhumans clad in global hypercolour, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 16:39, closed)

Yup
enquiring minds need to know.
(Juan Quar is clinging to her front teeth on, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 17:14, closed)

No no
It ended 5 or 6 years ago, although I haven't been with anyone for as long as that relationship since.

She messaged me on facebook years after we'd split up, bloody internets!
( JebediahSpringfield, Tue 11 Aug 2009, 17:30, closed)

And the judges have recorded....
..a full 16 Man-Points for you, with an 8 point bitchy bonus!

*applause*
(EffinDoubt is breaking glass on, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 7:43, closed)

firm

but fair.
(The Cats Twat, Wed 12 Aug 2009, 12:59, closed)