Lady Lovelock
I set the scene: Christmas 1999, my friends and I decide to exchange the most foul gifts imaginable. As anal beads and plastic pussies were gleefully freed of their Santa wrapping and bows, I received the pièce de résistance, 'Lady Lovelock's Forced Womanhood'. Men are transformed into she-male slaves, complete with graphic drawings of the winkie shrinking machines.

So when my best friend moved house, it made sense to hide it in one of her rolled-up rugs. Only it wasn't her rug, it belonged to her housemate. Her grandmother 'found' the magazine.

This set the wheels in motion.

The magazine found its way into people's office drawers; into their shopping trollies; it went on honeymoons, on holidays, to births and cruises. It followed us through the years as we got older and wiser - the recipient was always unsuspecting, chosen at random and generally very angry. And it always found its way back to me.

So when I moved to the UK, I opened my suitcase to find it. I found it halfway across the world.

Of course, when I first came back to the US, I slipped it in a friend's laptop case while we were in the pub. That was the last I heard of it for years.

Until last March, when my mum came to visit me. She opened her suitcase...
(TheSnark oh, c'mon, like you didn't see me coming, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 21:59, 2 replies)

A
"winkie shrinking machine"?? WTF?? Oh, you mean a Porsche 911.

No, wait a second, you have to have a micro-dick BEFORE you buy one of those.
(Rsoles, Thu 6 Nov 2008, 23:30, closed)

I had the same game
with some friends. We had this stick-thing with eyes (made of wood) that somebody bought from some tourist place. Horrific tourist-tat. We named it "Sticky" and thus began Sticky's travels.

It got to the point where you'd leave work or leave the house in a nervous state as you might open your bag or purse and find two eyes staring up at you. Nobody liked having Sticky planted on them, meaning you'd let your guard down. I only have myself to blame, I was the instigator and the major culprit.

I sent it to Malaysia with a friend in her bag, and that's the last we ever heard of Sticky :(
(The Apeface Cherub is not a cunty-uber-cunt, Fri 7 Nov 2008, 8:14, closed)