when i was eleven...
i'd just finished reading such arcane,predictive nonsense as The Bible Code,The Predictions of Saint Malachy and The Book of Revalation.
Filled with a youthful swagger i bounced up to one of my mates,a similar anarchic delinquent called Bob (let's be honest,we were both as anarchic as Rik from The Young Ones) and coughed for attention.
"Bob,' I said in my best McWhirter,did-you-know,it-is-a-little-known-fact voice,sounding like the smug little bookwormy shit I was,
"did you know that in 2045,the world will be devoured by fire,california will sink into the sea,the last pope will turn out to be a genocidal maniac and the beast shall awaken and eat people with each of his ten heads,and it will all be slightly uncool?"
(I'm making it up,I have no idea what the actual prophecies were,luckily I don't keep such grandstanding fatuous bullshit in my head anymore).
He fixed me with a smouldering gaze.Not that eleven-year-olds can do that smouldering, Humphrey-Bogart look,it was probably like Danny deVito pretending to be Arnold Swarzenegger.
"Oh yeh?" he opined.
"Yeh," I swaggered. "Want to place a bet on it?"
"Alright," he sneered. "If you're right,I'll suck off Kevin,the fattest kid in school.And if you're wrong,you'll do the same."
"Deal."
So I'm stuck in a quandary now.I frankly feel that having the world enter the end of days and be destroyed by the beast will be better than giving a blowjob to a fifty-year-old,wrinkly,sagging fatso.Has anyone made similar bets?How do I get out of it?
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 8 May 2009, 12:01, 7 replies)

Easy.
Just kill Kevin.
( Cawl, Fri 8 May 2009, 12:07, closed)

i'm hoping the combination of chips and coke will kill him before,to be honest.

(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 8 May 2009, 12:10, closed)

I dunno,
There's never any poetic justice to disease.
Apart from Jade Goody.

Sod's Law, he'd die from a heart-attack just after he's shot his load down your throat.
( Cawl, Fri 8 May 2009, 12:17, closed)

i think i'd rather be judged by god almighty.i'm doomed either way.

(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 8 May 2009, 12:22, closed)

I'm Kevin and I'm really looking forward to it....
....I'll even hold my gut up out of the way
(Colonel Blink is now officially a pretentious prick, Fri 8 May 2009, 13:05, closed)

As you were a minor at the time,
you were unable to make contracts. So I believe your parents actually have to suck him off for you.
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 8 May 2009, 12:37, closed)

oh shit
i dunno how i'm going to break that to ma and pa.
(Fuckpig "That's not even a pound a midget.", Fri 8 May 2009, 15:20, closed)