First day at a new job
Over lunch, the boss boasts that she can eat a whole muffin in one bite. She proceeds to prove this, to much eyerolling from the jaded crowd.

"I bet I could do that." I whisper quietly.

"Go on then. Do it and you get the afternoon off, paid." she challenged.

So I did. With the biggest one in the pack. Much cheering ensued.

The cheering turned to cries of "Shit! Someone give him the Heimlich!" as a realised that there was simply too much muffiny goodness to fit down my throat at once, and that I could neither breath nor swallow nor get a grip on the offending lump because opening my mouth forced it further down my throat.

Eventually enough of it dropped that I could open my mouth, so I did, expelling a half chewed chunk of mush the size of a tennis ball onto the carpet on front of my new colleagues.

Length? About 4 weeks after that debacle.
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Fri 8 May 2009, 16:52, 5 replies)

!
h aha
( browser still relating boring anecdotes into a void on, Fri 8 May 2009, 17:29, closed)

What a great screenname!

( Enzyme is powered by sunlight, Sun 10 May 2009, 13:03, closed)

Thanks!
That's 2 people who've complimented me on it now. Quick, someone call it shit before my head overinflates and I float away!
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Mon 11 May 2009, 16:33, closed)

i was just thinking that...

( Azra3l Lubrication Persuasion and Brute Force ™, Mon 11 May 2009, 18:53, closed)

Thanks once more!
Ooh, it's all swollen...
(a gun that fires other, smaller guns full of jizz, Mon 11 May 2009, 22:05, closed)