The wrong arm of the law…

Pre-pubescent fucking police ‘men’ do my head in.

Just the other day, I was in town having a crafty pint, and when I left the pub I spotted this 'clopper' of a copper who looked about twelve years old, standing by the side of the road.

He was so young he still whiffed of his mum’s mimsy…(I imagine)

He looked at me, then he looked at the car.

There was half-a-fucking-wheel on a double yellow line. If that.

I smiled at him and gave him a friendly ‘shrug’ of the shoulders. He didn’t say a single word, he just shook his head, reached into his pocket, pulled out his pad and started writing out a ticket.

I tried to appeal to his good nature. Fat chance.

“Aw, come on mate”, I said. “…give a guy a break, eh?”

The spotty mini-Hitler just carried on writing.

I said: “Look, you don’t have to do this…stop being such a cunt”

At hearing the fabled 'C' word, the rozzer didn’t even glance up from his pad, he just raised his eyebrows, turned a page over in the pad and started writing out another bastard ticket!

“You fucking Nazi wanker!” I shouted, jabbing my finger at him angrily. “...Is this how you get you pervy fucking kicks?”

With this, the copper sighed, kicked the tyres, took out his tread-thickness-measuring gadget, tutted, and silently started writing out another ticket for worn tyres!

“You total, cock-waggling shitstained arse-biscuit!” I bellowed. “What did you go and do that for? I bet you’ve got a tiny little dick, haven't you?…and just because you can’t satisfy your missus, you’re taking it out on innocent fucking motorists!”

With this, the bastard bobby had a quick check that nobody was looking, and then actually smashed one of the indicator lights! Right in front of me!

“Gaaaahhh!" I screamed: "...you fucking cunty bollocksing cunty CUNT!...It’s because of fucking flange-bananas like you that this pissing country is in the state it’s in.”

Defiantly, the boyish oik with a tit on his head just continued scanning the car for any fault he could find…and clocking up tickets, one after the other.

This went on for about 10 minutes…the more abuse I spat at him, the more fines he wrote out, without a glimmer of emotion on his power-mad baby-face.

In fact, the only time I saw him change expressions was when I walked past him, went down the road…

…got on the bus, and went home.

...because it was only then that he realised it wasn’t my car.

Just like my dad, I have a twisted sense of humour...and at my age, I’m running out of ways to entertain myself.
( Pooflake braces for an onslaught..., Fri 1 May 2009, 9:27, 3 replies)

Brilliant
I must do this one day.

*click* for "flange-banana", by the way
( TheMagicDwarf is back like ballroom dancing, Fri 1 May 2009, 10:15, closed)

Quite an old joke
by Dave Spikey if I remember right
( MisterPunch did it that way on, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:13, closed)

well, he's quite an old comedian.

(The Magic Number is neither magic nor a number, Fri 1 May 2009, 13:18, closed)