My First Ginger
There seems to be a split opinion on whether ginger girls are downright filthy because they’re actually ginger, or whether it’s simply just a coincidence.

I’m not overly attracted to ginger haired girls, my preference is either blonde or dark red, so I don’t tend to meet that many to try and prove this one way or another. To me, most seem quite shy and timid, although that could just be my own ignorance. Becky was the notable exception though, I’m pretty sure she was a clinical nymphomaniac.

Becky was a ginger of the highest order. If you stood in front of her and faced the sun it looked like her head was on fire. It was quite scary. Between her fiery red hair and constant need for sex she was pretty damn intimidating as well. In the end it got to the stage where I was reluctant to have sex with her for fear of getting crotch-burn so bad I would have to get a penis graft.

I originally met her when I lived in Orkney a number of years ago but didn’t see her again until after I had moved down to Glasgow. She was studying at the Nautical College which was right across the road from where I worked at the time. I can’t remember exactly what course she was doing. It had something to do with maintaining ships and vessels, but I’m not too sure. For all the periods we talked, we usually had sex straight afterwards so I quickly forgot whatever it was she was going on about.

One particular event sums her up.

Back in October of 2008 I was getting drunk with a mate on some random Monday night. It was about 2am and we had just been kicked out of a club. To make matters worse I had work the following morning. I hadn’t really considered that earlier on in the night when we were downing Jägerbombs and vodka Red Bull’s like we were preparing for Oktoberfest (I tend to get a bit carried away on nights out). We could have given Paul Gascoigne a run for his money. It was around about this time that I blacked out.

My next memory is of walking across the bridge over the River Clyde just near my work, which was a couple of miles away from the club we were at. I wasn’t too sure why I was there and could only assume that I was either walking home or looking for a bus. Either way, I soon became aware of a few things:

1. It was now 3.30am and I had been wandering around for over an hour.
2. I had no idea where my mate was.
3. I had no money.
4. I had work in four hours.

Then I had a moment of inspiration. Instead of waiting for a bus, trying to scheme my way onto it for free and losing an extra hour of sleep, I would simply go into my office and nap there and wait for one of my colleagues to wake me up when they arrived. Sorted.

Unsurprisingly, when I got to the front door I discovered that it was locked, despite my best attempts to try and force my way in*. Becoming increasingly desperate I wandered around the side of the building and sat on the pavement next to the car park preparing to sleep. It was at this point that I decided to text Becky to inform her of my predicament. I didn’t really expect her to reply since it was so late and she had told me earlier that she had an exam the following day. I had barely put my phone back in my pocket when it started ringing.

“Heeeello?” I drunkenly answer.

“What the fuck are you doing lying on the pavement?!” Becky immediately asked.

“Uhh… nothing much, I…uh… just felt like taking a nap before work”

“What?” she asked sounding confused, “It’s freezing out, you should come over”

“Nah it’s okay. I… I’m just gonna wait here until I can go to work…”

“[Fred], don’t be stupid. I’m up now, just come past” she demanded.

“Hmm… well okay then” I replied, tired of arguing.

I dragged myself to my feet and stumbled over to the block of flats she lived in. By the time I arrived at the entrance of her building she was already standing in the front door wearing a loose-fitting black dressing gown. I walked over to her and she greeted me by sticking her tongue down my throat.

A minute later we were in her bedroom; her lying naked on her bed, her gleaming ginger hair brightening up the room like an orange lava lamp. I ripped my clothes off as fast as my drunken hands would allow and slid in her with the accuracy and technique of a blind, retarded chimpanzee.

After a few minutes I could barely even concentrate so I rolled onto my back and let her take control. And fuck me did she take control. I clung to the headboard for dear life as she rode me like she was on a bucking bronco on steroids. She then leaned back so far that she was nearly able to balance on her elbows as I winced in pain at being twisted worse than Aaron Ramsey’s leg. This carried on for a while until she eventually finished herself off and went to sleep while I lay there and tried to restore some feeling back in my manhood. Easily the most vigorous, uncomfortable sex I’ve ever had.

So, in my experience, ginger girls are certainly filthy. Whether I just happened to find the crazy one remains to be seen.

Oh and I made it into work on time the next day.

*In case you’re thinking ‘pics or it didn’t happen’, CCTV footage of this will exist somewhere as there are a number of cameras positioned around the building, but I have no intention of ever asking to see it. No good can ever come from asking our security officer to look for footage of me, drunk, trying to break my way into a government building just so I could take a nap.
( Fat Fred too weird to live, too rare to die, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 19:49, 6 replies)

You are SpankHanky in disguise
ICMFP
(massively_optimistic that's terrific!, Mon 1 Mar 2010, 22:45, closed)

Cameras?
Oh well then, it DEFINITELY happened then.
( Amorous Badger NAKED BEA ARTHUR PHOTOS 4U, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 7:51, closed)

Not only lies
but lies with misplaced apostrophes. FUCKING DISGRACE, AB.
( the mighty badger Aphrodite, on a bar stool, by your side, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:30, closed)

I've read this a second time, and can't stop shaking my head

( likeajackhammer, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 9:34, closed)

I only skim read this
because it was badly written, and not true...

I also suspect you're a virgin
( likeajackhammer, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 8:02, closed)

I bet you couldn't even remember where you'd parked your Honda Accord!

( mns 2️⃣2️⃣9️⃣0️⃣7️⃣, Tue 2 Mar 2010, 8:44, closed)