We are one body
After this: www.b3ta.com/questions/gullible/post226170
one might think I would have a genuine reason to hate God.

But, as with many of these sort of things, I don't. God had, as far as I'm concerned, very little to do with the horrors I've experienced at the hands of the Church.

I've come the basic conclusion that Christianity is nothing but a vehicle for egos. Egos of people who would otherwise be either swept under the carpet or just swallowed up in life's interminable rat race.

There are several kinds of people in the church. Allow me...

Firstly, we have the do-gooder. You know the type, usually called Edith. She or he bends over backwards to help you, smiles consistently with a grin that would make a pillhead blush, always says 'Hiiiiiii', makes meaningless smalltalk about nothing in particular, and even when something horrific is mentioned, keeps the same smile on their face. They always end up stepping on someone's toes/fucking up someone's life with their 'I thought it seemed like the best thing to do at the time/I thought the minister should know' attitude. They also may or may not be responsible for the hideous slogans on the billboards in front of the church.

Then we have the gossip. They are similar to the do-gooder, in that they have the same superficial and perma-gurning expression, but they have a more sinister motive. To them, prayer meetings are not there to help and (heaven forbid) pray for those in need, but rather to prise the latest morsel of gossip from the unsuspecting do-gooder, who usually has the task of imparting the knowledge in the first place. Afterwards, should you be unfortunate enough to be the subject of such a revelation, people come up to you and gently pat your back, with a knowing and slightly concerned smile. The gossip will never miss a social event, and will give the impression of being engrossed in the Bible (in reality they couldn't find the book of Genesis) while at the same time mentally noting every last titbit of conversation.

The Over-Enthusiastic Youth Worker. Usually in their late thirties, mainly unmarried, often gangly women who wear green pullovers and tracksuit bottoms, and have hair like Sandi Toksvig. Always rallying the troops with non-descript phrases about how great God is, or how much 'community we have together'. Jumps up and down in a star-like fashion whenever a lively praise song or hymn is played. Nausaeating if exposed to for more than five minutes at a time, but ultimately ends up running the summer-long youth club 'extravaganza'. Will end up doing equally as saccharine videos for the God channel in later life.

The Creepy Old Man. Every church has one of these. You know the type. Clean shaven, late fifties early sixties. Talks softly and deliberately. Shirt is unbuttoned one or two buttons lower than usual. Known throughout the Church as having a 'calling for kids work' (read: massive erection when the children sit on his knee). Usually an old friend of the Minister himself, probably knows something unsavoury about him, so there is an element of emotional blackmail. Probably responsible for hundreds of ruined lives, a few drug addictions and even the odd suicide, due to his propensity for offering 'pastoral support'. Probably married, just to throw any doubters off the scent.

The 'victim'. There's always someone whose 'life of sin' almost led them to 'Hell' but 'Jesus saved them'. They are the first ones up the front whenever prayer is offered, and they invariably cry in front of everyone, thanking the Lord for rescuing them from a sea of depression. May have a beard/dreadlocks. In reality are in need of psychiatric help and medication, but no, Jesus is stronger than drugs! More often than not they die alone, the last meaningful years of their life spent living a lie.

We've all seen them. The more I think about it, the more I realise Evangelical Christianity is a mental illness. I'm glad I'm out, but I fear the damage may be irreversable.

As for the other religions, I could go on a rant about how silly they all are, but, apart from Fundamentalist Islam and the kind that eats heads, they aren't that bad. Just take themselves quite seriously.

No apologies for length, 19 years enslaved to the clutches of those lot would be enough to drive anyone insane.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Thu 19 Mar 2009, 21:24, 3 replies)

First of all...
...this is a wonderful post, and very well-written.

Secondly, I think I've known every one of these characters through my various encounters with Christianity.

For the record, my father is the 'Creepy Old Man'. Goes to some non-demoninational hellhole wherever he lives, puts a whopping amount in the collection plate because the gossipy bitches are watching and will sing his praises, mows the lawn on a roster with a couple of other blokes so it's done once a week, and meets families and children to take him in in his time of loss (i.e. I don't talk to him since he was booted from the family for molesting a sister and a cousin, among others).

Makes my fucking blood boil (and see other posts re: deathbed confessions/forgiveness- I reckon he honestly thinks to this day I'm going to hell cos I smoke and shag).
(Angie the Redneck Wonder, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 12:59, closed)

I dont like this.
Trite Sterotypes. A mixture of characters from various american films, sitcoms and books. All rubbish.I've never met anyone like this in real life.

I like the way you wrote it though.
(BarryChuckle, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 13:12, closed)

I spent
18 years in the Church, and every single Church had varying degrees of such people. Granted, i've generalised and amalgamated the individual characteristics to a certain extent, but they've all crossed my path at some point or another.

I wish they hadn't, but then i'd have nothing to write about.
(pacman_40 Pocket Kleenex: for the wanker on the go, Tue 24 Mar 2009, 21:57, closed)