OH MY GOD!
The closest I've ever got to God is shaggin in the missionary position. Does anyone know why it's called that by the way?

I do recall an evening when some J witness arrived and me being the polite gentlemen that I am opened the door and greeted them.
"Do you believe in God?" was their opening gambit.
"Yes" I replied matter of factly, "But just not tonight". And with that I closed the door.

I didn't have anything against the J witnesses until I heard what they did to an ex. She committed a "sin" by snogging some guy at the age of 16. She stood in front of a room of elders (read: old men) and confessed. That seems awfully creepy, but that was nothing compared to her next confessional. This time things went a bit further with the lad and she found herself standing in front of a room of these, quite frankly perverted men, telling them in detail about how his hand was all over her mimsy. That's just fucked. Fortunately she saw the error of her ways and moved in with a woman soon after and had a 6 month lesbian affair.

I have to admit that the only respect I give to God is that I capitalise the 'G' in his name. Almost every time I type his name I do it uncapitalised and then think, hang on what if he's real? So I go back and edit it. Never mind the fact I lied to woman to get sex ('yeah babe, sure we'll be friends afterwards' ...haha suckers!!), threw dogshit at my neighbours house, shot random people in the arse with my pellet gun and dipped my ex's toothbrush in the bog, threw tennis balls at my dog when he tried to poo thereby turning him into the pseudo neurotic hyper disturbed animal that he was. No, none of that bothers me at all and I haven't ever asked for forgiveness. Yet, somehow I feel a massive sense of guilt if I don't capitalise that first letter.
(The Archduke of South London I'm in your Girlfriend eating her organs, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 0:39, 1 reply)

urban myth says that
the missionary position was named by South Pacific islanders, who were told by missionaries that their customary 'doggy style' position was sinful.

But no, apparently not:

www.straightdope.com/columns/read/2601/assuming-the-missionary-position-again
(apeloverage committed the vile act of onanism on, Fri 20 Mar 2009, 2:59, closed)