the incident of the shed
I was deeply wounded (not literally; he wasn't that big) by my first relationship, particularly its demise.

anyway I was at some girl from college's birthday party, which was at her house, in the middle of nowhere- the nearest village was about 5 miles away down a long winding road and happened to be where my ex lives.

I got absolutely fucked on god knows how much alcohol, having bought a crate of cheap toilet water carling with my cousin earlier on, drinking most of that and moving on to all the other beverages that stood before me.

I went on to insult a black guy and afterwards felt very ashamed- I tried to tell him that under normal circumstances I would never offend him: "normally I wouldn't say that, because you are black" etc.

and then left the house in a huff. The only destination I could possibly have in this state was my ex's shithole village, or back to the shithole house. I chose the former ("'cause I heard it was warmer"-FLC)

anyway, after using my mobile phone to light up the otherwise barely visible signs ("ex's shit hole village- 5 miles")I arrived at his house. It was december and I was very, very cold, although the alcohol kept me from feeling even colder.

I had decided that I wanted to talk to my ex. About what I have no idea but given that it was 4 AM and he never gets out of bed later than 2 PM, I had a long wait. One in which I would probably have died from hypothermia. So, in my desperation, I climbed on top of the bins and jumped over the wall into his garden; he had a large log cabin thing in his garden which was really warm.

sadly it was locked. The shed however was not so I went in there with next door's cat, who was far too appreciative of my presence for my liking.

I found an old fireman sam duvet (or something like fireman sam) and tried to keep myself warm with that, though it was wet due to a leak in the ceiling.

His mum found me at about 7AM because she'd seen the shed light on. Either that or my ex had told her I'd sent a text informing of my whereabouts. lazy bastard. His mum was very nice about it though, seeing as I was at death's door (not just her door) and gave me some tea and drove me home.

I was quite popular at college before that incident. My ex told everyone about it though and bitched about how I'd killed his mother's vegetables by trampling all over them. ah well.

the most embarrassing thing about all it is that I left an old abba record I found on the record player.
(pryor_engagement, Tue 14 Nov 2006, 1:02, Reply)